“Wait…the day I ruined your planner. That was the day—”
“The day she found her second lump.” I swallowed hard and stared at the asphalt beneath our feet.
“Aw, Jessie.” Madison pulled me into a hug, and I let her. “I wouldn’t have brought it up if I’d known…” She pulled back and studied my face. “She’s still in remission, though, isn’t she?”
“She should be. This is supposed to be just a blood test.” I pulled away and fiddled with my unicorn house key. “But it came back once. And I don’t…” I sniffed. “I can’t do it again. I just can’t.”
Madison crossed her arms and looked down at her feet, where she traced the white parking space lines with her shoes. “I know this is tough. Believe me, I love your mom. She’s impossible not to love.”
I gave her a half-smile. It was true.
“But you can’t live your life around fear for your mother. Jess, I hate to say it, but you really have no idea how to have fun. You live your life on what-ifs and—What are you doing?”
I unlocked the car and threw my purse into the passenger seat and flashed her a tight smile. “Thanks for inviting me tonight. I know you were trying.” But she caught my door before I could shut it.
“I mean, Jessie. You have got to learn to let go sometime.”
“Night, Madison.” I pulled my door shut and drove home. I had a letter to write.
9
Jerk
Derrick
“You’re quiet this morning.” I glanced at Jessie as we pulled onto the highway. It was only her fifth day as Jade’s nanny, and her ability to stay angry and silent must already be blowing records out of the water.
“Yep.” She wrapped her arms around herself and glared at the road.
I passed a sedan and looked at her again. “This wouldn’t happen to have to do with the cereal mixup this morning, would it?” Even as I remembered the fiasco that had been this morning, I couldn’t help smiling a little. One small step at a time. Maybe when their patron saint of kindergarten failed, my parents would finally listen and leave Jade to me.
But Jessie only set her jaw as she glowered straight ahead.
“Because I can’t blame you for not knowing that her second favorite cereal is Fruity O’s. That stuff probably doesn’t come up much in school discussions.” I paused to turn the music down since Jade had fallen asleep in her car seat. “You did a good job of getting the milk out of your hair, though.”
No response. I finally shrugged and began to flip through radio stations, but before I found one, Jessie finally spoke.
“She won’t eat with forks.”
“What?” I turned to look at Jessie.
“She only likes to eat with spoons. She pretends not to know her alphabet, but she can write the whole thing if she’s motivated enough, as well as her first and last name and the name of that dog she likes to draw, the pink one with purple whiskers. She’s memorized entire books about rocks, and her favorite food is spaghetti.”
She was still staring straight ahead, but my face heated uncomfortably when a single tear rolled down her cheek. Great. I’d made her cry.
Driving her crazy had seemed sort of fun thus far, and driving her away had sounded even better. But now, as I played the morning…and the rest of the week back in my head, I had to admit that with each day, I’d grown less annoying and more of a colossal jerk.
But Jessie wasn’t done. “She’s an introvert,” she said, her voice husky as she wiped her cheek on her shoulder. “She likes watching other children, though. Her best friend is Daisy Wilkes, and she wants to be a geologist when she grows up. She doesn’t like long conversations, but she can already name more kinds of rocks and minerals than most college students.”
Okay, so maybe I had been wrong about her, at least about her not knowing Jade. The woman knew a lot about my sister. I didn’t know she had a best friend named Daisy. Heck, I hadn’t even been aware she had a best friend at school. Not that that qualified Jessie to look after Jade full-time, but…if I was truthful, this woman seemed like she cared an awful lot about my little sister.
I rubbed a hand down my face and groaned. “Look. I’m not trying to be a jerk—”
“Too late.” She crossed her arms.
“You’re right. And I’m sorry.” I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly, my conscience poking at me.At least tell her the reason you need to take care of Jade. But I wasn’t going to do that. Because if I did, she’d assure me that she wasn’t going to be like the last few nannies, and I’d have to be even ruder and tell her that just wasn’t good enough for me. At least, not when it came to Jade. But when I glanced at Jessie again, her face was red and her eyes still shone.
Maybe I could be vague, just so she would know I had a reason. She’d already put up with me all week. She deserved to know something at least.
