I snorted. “So when I don’t answer and you find my body, it won’t be too decomposed to show in an open-faced casket?”
“Hey, you’ve got this.” He smiled and nudged my shoulder, and I felt little butterflies flutter around at the bottom of my stomach. “You’ve wanted this master’s degree since college, right?”
“Right.”
“So go get it. And don’t let this guy stop you. When he starts being a dolt, just text me, and I’ll remind you of how awesome it’s going to feel when you graduate.”
I looked up to find him staring into my eyes with nearly the same intensity Tanner had held. But this time, I didn’t mind so much.
“Fine,” I said. “But you owe me another Shirley Temple.”
He laughed, and I smiled, glad I’d come after all.
* * *
We talked for an hour. There was a sinking feeling, though, that I couldn’t stop as it slowly filled my stomach.
It was stupid, really. But Madison’s story about the day she ruined my planner kept creeping back into my mind. I felt like that fateful day was bleeding into this one, like the lines in time and space were being blurred.
I was sitting here, enjoying myself with people who weren’t my family after being gone all week from my family. And even when I was home, I was studying. The parents I was working so hard to protect had hardly seen me since school got out, and now I was in a bar, sipping my cherry drink like I had all the time in the world.
It was just a memory, I told myself. And I couldn’t let memories stop me from ever having fun. The more I fought it, though, the more it haunted me, like the ghost of an evening gone wrong that hadn’t happened yet. Eventually, inevitably, the memories won out, and I knew I couldn’t force one more smile if my life depended on it. So I excused myself and headed out to the car.
The humidity hit me like a wave the moment I stepped outside. And though it had been bright and cheerful inside, the remnants of all the warm and fuzzy feelings Sam had gifted me disappeared as the sticky Arkansas air descended upon me like a curse. As I fumbled for my keys, I found myself wishing desperately for teleportation. All I wanted to do was go home.
“I thought you were having fun in there.” Madison’s voice made me jump, and I nearly dropped my keys before taking a deep breath and turning slowly to face her.
“Madison.” I put on a practicedI don’t carelook, the one I used a lot with Derrick. “Tanner practically asked if I would have his babies. Of course I didn’t try.”
Madison pinched the bridge of her nose. “I was talking about Sam, but fine. Tanner was a little enthusiastic.”
I arched an eyebrow.
“Okay, really enthusiastic. But…” She shrugged. “At least he wasn’t up for casual dating. Isn’t that what you’re always complaining about? That most men today are too casual about courtship?”
“You know, Madison? I actually wanted a casual night out tonight. For once, I just wanted to leave my house and job and spend some time with other human beings my age. I didn’t expect you to pick up random guys and throw them at me. You know how much I hate that.” I put my hands on my temples and rubbed them.
She pouted. “You didn’t have to leave me like that.”
“I endured twenty minutes with that man! If you’re really so desperate—”
“All right, I get it. No need to yell.” She was quiet for a moment. When she spoke again, her voice was soft.
“Week that bad, huh?”
“Worse.” I let my head hang back, and before I knew it, I was telling her everything. But where it had sounded silly and ridiculous back with Sam and the others, I was hit by a sudden flood of melancholy. Sam’s planned texts to help me endure the summer had seemed like a good idea back inside, but now that I was out here in the dark, the situation seemed again like it was possibly more than I could handle. “I just can’t for the life of me figure out why Derrick is being such a—”
“This is about your mom, isn’t it?”
I looked up at the stars.
“And what brought that on?” she asked gently.
I took a long, deep breath. “When you told the planner story, it reminded me that my mom’s got an appointment tomorrow.”
“With the oncologist?”
I nodded again, not trusting myself to speak.
