“What’s the difference between being in love and just loving someone though?” I ask her.
“Well, there are all sorts of love out there, aren’t there? Platonic love, friendly love, familial love, and romantic love. You can feel one, some, or all of them, but only you will know, inside your soul and heart, if they are the one for you.”
“I do love him and care for him, but it’s not like you and dad.”
Her smile is soft. “Yes, well, we got lucky now, didn’t we? I’m glad I followed my heart and risked it all for him. You wouldn’t be here if I didn’t,” her voice filled with emotion, a faraway look in her eyes as she affectionately pats my leg.
“That is one hell of a bar to set, but I can understand why you would want that for yourself. If he loves you and cares about you, he will understand. It’s not fair to either of you. Just give him some time, and I am sureif he wants to still be there for you, even if that’s in the capacity of being a friend, he will be. Rejection hurts, and so does love sometimes.”
I miss her terribly, and the ache never goes away from my parents’ sudden death. When they were found, they were dead in their car on the side of the road. The police had stated that there was no evidence to state that it was murder. They had determined their deaths to be an accident. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to them; I thought they would be coming back home later that night. More tears spill, letting them freely fall as I close my eyes.
I suddenly jolt awake, my brain foggy, and confusion setting in. I look around at my surroundings and realize I am lying down on the couch, a blanket over me. I must have cried myself to sleep because I don’t remember grabbing a blanket or falling asleep. I wonder if Heath’s home and that’s where the blanket came from. If so, that was really sweet of him.
My face burned, and my eyes were puffy from all the crying I had been doing. I looked at the clock and it read midnight, giving me a three-hour nap. It dawned on me that I never took a shower after I came home from work. A hot shower sounded perfect after the day I had, and would help dull the pain.
I groggily got up off the couch and stumbled my way to the second bathroom we had. I started the shower, getting undressed as the water heated. As soon as it began getting steamy, I jumped into the shower, getting under the burning warmth, the water relaxing my body. I spent a good thirty minutes washing myself and letting my pain go down the drain with the soap and water. Once I was done, I went intothe second bedroom to get some more rest. I felt absolutely drained, my body sore, and my heart shredded to pieces.
It’s been a while since I’ve imagined and dreamed about my mother. The healing process has been a long and treacherous road since their sudden death, making it difficult to think about them. I remember growing up and even though we weren’t rich in the sense of money and possessions, we were rich in love in our little family. It had always been my mother, father, and me. My mother’s family was non-existent, and my father’s parents were dead.
When I was younger, my mom would always read me a fairy tale or fated mates story. It never failed to include the love that transcended time and the universe. She always talked and acted like it was real. Was it?
2
Chapter 2 - Blair
It took me a couple of weeks to get all my affairs in order. The most important task was putting in my two-week notice at work. As soon as I got into work, I talked to my manager and let them know I was quitting. Since next week’s schedule had not been planned out yet, they were able to schedule me less in order to give me more time.
Even though Heath and I had broken up, he was still talking to me and helping me out. There were a few breakdowns while I was packing up my life, getting overwhelmed by all the emotions that went with it. He gave me tight hugs, helping me regulate when it felt like it was too much. The Sunday before I left, Heath and I went to a couple of places in town to reminisce before I left.
We stood out on the pier, staring out at the lake, déjà vu hitting me. This was the place we first met. I laugh awkwardly. “Does this feel familiar?”
“You mean both of us lost, and somehow met for the first time here? Yeah, it does. But instead it has a completely different meaning.”
“I’m going to miss this. After my parents died, I was a lifeless husk and didn’t want to live anymore. I’m glad we met, you saved my life, Heath.” I admit to him, keeping my eyes out on the water, unable to look his way. I knew it would make me cry, and I hated being vulnerable and crying in public.
“I know the feeling–” he admitted, taking a pregnant pause. “Honestly, you were the light I needed in my life, and I didn’t realize it at the time. I really hope you can find your happily ever after Blair.”
A tiny smile plays on my lips, “thanks, so do I.” We stand in silence for another few more minutes until a loud growl breaks the silence.
Heath chuckles from the sound. “How about we go eat at our favorite restaurant one more time before you leave?”
I nod my head. “Yeah that sounds good to me. Didn’t realize I was hungry.”
* * *
Not only did I have my own belongings to think about, but I also intended to bring what I had left from my parents after their death. One of the biggest issues I had was the uncertainty of where I would go. There was no interest in moving out west; I wanted to stay on the East Coast. Picking a state with beaches and cooler weather would be nice, since that is what I was used to and preferred over hotter weather.
I never put much thought into moving or where I would want to move to, so I did some research over the next couple of weeks as I got everything packed and ready to leave. I decided I wanted somewhere with small-town vibes, butclose enough to large cities. Even though it felt a bit random, and who in their right mind wanted to move to Connecticut, for some reason Hartford, Connecticut stuck out and felt like the right decision. The pull is too strong to resist.
A few days before I was to depart, I charted my path to my future new home, taking a route through New York to get to Hartford. I had never been to New York before, so while I was looking at the maps, I tried to see if there was anything of interest I could make a pitstop for on my journey. I was planning on leaving and starting my journey at eight in the morning, leaving plenty of time for side quests.
The car that my parents had that I kept was filled to the brim with all my possessions. I had to rent a small U-Haul trailer for some of my parents’ belongings, unable to part with items that they had cherished. I had lost them four years ago this past June, and the pain still radiates in my chest from their death.
I took one last look at the place I had lived in for the past two years, the house simple yet cozy, memories flooding me. Heath was on the sidewalk, hands in his pockets, his clothes disheveled, pain and sadness on his face.
“Please let me know when you arrive safely. I want to make sure nothing happens to you, okay?” he says gently.
I nod my head in agreement. “Yeah I can definitely do that,” my voice raspy. A lump forms in my throat, making it hard to talk or breathe. I clear my throat, hoping it goes away. “Heath?”
