Desperation colored her tone. “Could you not work on your husband?” She would rather be subject to Mr. Collins than Mr. Darcy. She pursed her lips. On second thought, perhaps not.
Jane smiled sadly and spoke, interrupting Elizabeth’s inner musings. “You forget: Mr. Collins’s first love is Lady Catherine. When she finds out that you are engaged to Mr. Darcy, her fury will know no bounds. My husband will cast you out on principle. I believe it would be prudent to have your trunks packed in readiness for her displeasure.”
“How has she not heard? Surely, a servant witnessed Mr. Darcy’s proposal.”
“Sir Andrew bribed the maid to wait until tea today. We are to attend. I understand he paid her half a crown.”
“A veritable fortune.” Elizabeth sighed. “I cannot understand your husband. To do so is dishonorable. Is he so cruel?”Maybe Mr. Darcy truly is the best choice given my circumstances.
The door opened as if on cue and Charlotte came in. “He can be, when it suits him,” she said. “May I, Jane?”
Jane nodded and Charlotte took a seat on the edge of the bed. She told her part of the tale, of Mr. Collins’s haphazard, short courtship and how he had raised her expectations and hopes, only to dash them by proposing to Jane after his honor was engaged to Charlotte.
“And you are married to such a man, Jane?” Elizabeth cried. “How can you bear it?”
“For the love of my family,” Jane repeated. “It is why I am here, attempting to talk you into marrying a man I know you do not love.”
“I do not even like him!” Elizabeth folded her arms and shook her head.
“Methinks thou dost protest too much, dear sister.”
Jane leaned forward and patted Elizabeth’s folded arm. “You have laughed at plenty of others who insulted you, gentlemen and ladies alike, and never become so vehemently against them. Helovesyou. Is that not a better foundation to build a marriage upon than most? It is certainly more than I had, and I am quite content. I have grown rather fond of my husband, all things considered.”
“I dream of love, not fondness.” Elizzabeth sighed.
“I have always said, happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance,” Charlotte cut in. “Jane’s situation proves it. Eliza, Lady Catherine will learn of Mr. Darcy’s proposal, even if you do not accept him. Wordwillend up at Longbourn and your mother’s anger will double. Then what will you do? You, a single lady of little fortune, cannot stay away from your home forever.”
Elizabeth did not say anything for several long moments. When she spoke, her words were slow and careful. “I have much to consider. Please, let me do so in solitude.”
Her sister and her friend stood up and left the room without another word. Elizabeth got out of bed and dressed herself in a simple gown, styling her hair in a knot at the base of her neck. She moved the chair in front of her window and sat there, gazing out at the landscape without seeing anything.
She believed she could manage if her mother turned her out and Mr. Collins refused to welcome her into his home. She could find employment as a governess or companion… She paused, considering. She knew she had a better education than most ladies of her station, but did she have enough knowledge to guide another person’s children? Her French was passable. She knew her history but had only a little knowledge of science. Shecould handle accounts and expenses, but her mathematical skills did not go beyond.
And companions were subject to the whims of their employer. Could Elizabeth trust herself to keep a civil, submissive tongue in her head? Her impertinence amused Lady Catherine, the most exalted person she knew personally, but how would another react?
But I do not love him,she protested inwardly.His very presence is objectionable. He causes my heart to pound with frustration and anger. How can I consign myself to a life devoid of marital affection?
She had seen how well such an arrangement had worked for her parents. Her father teased her mother endlessly, taking delight in vexing her and provoking her nerves. Mama responded by spending money so that she felt better. Desperation had driven Mrs. Bennet to extremes; was it any surprise that she was often overwrought? She had five practically dowerless daughters to marry off and a husband that did not support her endeavors to do so.
Her mother’s anger suddenly made sense. From a certain point of view, Mrs. Bennet had sacrificed saving money for attiring her daughters fashionably in hopes that their charms would entice a suitor. She had pushed Mr. Collins toward her second child, unwisely perhaps, but for the sake of seeing at least one of her daughters well settled and her future secure. Mrs. Bennet spoke of hedgerows, but would not her unmarried children be joining her there if Mr. Collins cast them all out?
He says he ardently admires and loves me,Elizabeth recalled.Can one-sided affection provide enough of a foundation to have a happy marriage?She could not easily forget his insult to her and his disdain for those she loved and esteemed, nor could she forget Mr. Darcy’s ill treatment of Mr. Wickham. But perhaps time could change his scorn for her family.He has already metmy aunt Gardiner and formed a rapport with her.Granted, he and Mrs. Gardiner had something in common they could build a rapport around.
Oh, what am I to do?She did not know, but she would need to have a decision before teatime.
Chapter Twenty-Two
April 10, 1812
Rosings Park, Kent
Elizabeth
She did not have a decision before tea. Elizabeth fretted endlessly the rest of the morning. She did not walk, for fear she would encounter Mr. Darcy and not know what to say. She remained in her room until tea. Jane kindly sent a tray up for luncheon, but she picked at it listlessly.
Everything in her rebelled against marrying for convenience, but she forced herself to carefully consider Jane’s words. She mulled over Charlotte’s story, too. Wickedly, she thought Mr. Collins deserved the discomfort her friend’s presence bestowed upon him. Served him right for treating her so shabbily.
Still, though, she wrestled with the decision she needed to make.How can I do it? Would it not be a betrayal of the worstkind, to marry a man I do not even like? What would my friends and neighbors say? What would I say to them?
