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Lincoln:

It’s not my fault you ran out of the courthouse before the ink was dry on our marriage certificate. We didn’t even get a picture.

Made me feel a bit used, actually.

Willa:

I AM using you. That’s the whole point of this.

Lincoln:

Just so everyone’s on the same page, if you want to use me while naked, I’m not opposed to that.

Willa:

I’m not dignifying that with a response.

Lincoln:

Fine. Answer my original question, wife.

Willa:

Why?

Lincoln:

Because I just stopped by your house to move in.

But apparently it’s not your house at the moment?

That was an awkward piece of information for a husband to learn about his wife from Mabel’s close, personal friends.

Willa:

Omfg

What did you say?

Did you TELL them we’re married?

Lincoln:

And admit I don’t know where my wife lives? Hard pass.

Willa:

Well, what DID you say?

It’s too soon to have busybodies already onto this sham!

The last people we need to know about this are Mabel’s cronies!

Lincoln:

Relax, hellcat.

They asked if I could help move a few pieces of furniture, so I did.