She stared at me for several long moments, her expression broadcasting loudly just how little she wanted to be discussing this with me. “Okay, well. I’ve had enough of this conversation. And I’ve also had enough of this depressing-ass construction zone.” She stood and held out a hand to me. “Come on.”
I placed my hand in hers and allowed her to pull me up. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re just leaving these four walls and a roof for a little bit.”
My shoulders sagged, and I blew out a deep sigh to the ceiling. As much as I wanted to do what I’d just told her—namely, a whole lot ofnothing—I couldn’t deny that this was sort of helping. These were the first two days in many when my heart didn’t feel like it was constantly being pulverized, and that was solely because of Laurel’s distractions.
Unfortunately, I knew as soon as I lay in bed tonight, alone, with nothing but my thoughts to keep me company, I would sink right back into that heartache. The one that had been a constantcompanion since I’d walked out Atlas’s door and he hadn’t stopped me.
Laurel grabbed her coat before tugging it on and stepping outside into the chilly early-November evening. Slipping on my jacket as well, I trailed after her, having no idea what her current plan was but knowing I’d follow her wherever she led.
“Lolo, what are we—” I stopped short in our trek across the backyard when I spotted Atlas pacing at the back door, Pandora perched on his shoulder.
He stopped mid-step, his gaze locked on me, drinking me in as if he’d been starved for the sight of me.
“What’s happening right now?” I whispered to Laurel without taking my gaze off the man I loved with my entire soul.
And with how my heart thundered at just the sight of him, every cell in my body seeming to recognize him ashome, there was absolutely no denying that was where I was. Where Istillwas, no matter how much I’d wished otherwise these past two weeks.
She hooked her arm through mine and tipped her head to rest on my shoulder. “Remember what I said—just keep an open mind, okay? I meant it when I told you he’s not like all the other ones. And I think you know that too.” She squeezed my arm once before stepping away, jingling my keys at me. “I’m stealing your car to stay at Cami’s tonight. And when I get back tomorrow, my parents better not still be fighting.”
“Your par?—”
“I said what I said!” she yelled, cutting me off before shutting the driver’s side door.
With a quick wave, she pulled out of the driveway, and then it was just Atlas and me and this chasm between us.
Even the distance I tried desperately to maintain didn’t deter him. He ate up the space between us, his gait purposeful, determined. But I had come to see behind the facade he puton for everyone else. I immediately noticed the tension around his eyes, the lines bracketing his mouth, the uncharacteristic way he ran a hand through his hair as if he couldn’t help it. And I realized with a start that he was…nervous.Atlas—aka the Mountain—was nervous to talk to me?
Once he stood only an arm’s length away, he darted his gaze all over my face, soaking in every bit of me as if he couldn’t get enough. As if he’d been lost without me.
“I’ve missed you,” he said on an exhale. Then he immediately grimaced. “Shit, I wasn’t supposed to say that yet.”
Seeing this giant of a man who was normally unshakable stumble through his words was pretty damn endearing, no matter how tender my heart was.
“Did Laurel tell you not to start with that when you enlisted her help?”
“She volunteered,” he said. “Actually, she threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t get my shit together and fix this.”
Despite myself, I breathed out a laugh. “Sounds like her. And Pandora?”
He reached up and scratched the kitten where she was curled up on his shoulder, like that little curve against his neck was better than any plush bed could have been. I remembered that curve, remembered how solid and sure it had always felt beneath me, and I couldn’t say I didn’t agree with her.
“She’s been my emotional support, but she’s a shitty listener. Claws the fuck out of me if I’m not completely focused on her. Hopefully she lets me say what I need to.”
I studied him in the quiet night, unsure if I should guard my heart or hear him out. Unsure if I could handle choosing wrong. This man had already hurt me once, and I didn’t know if I was strong enough to go through that again.
But from the way he was looking at me, like I was his whole fucking world, hope bloomed bright in my chest. So, I took a leap.
“What do you need to say?”
His shoulders sagged on a relieved exhale. “I fucked up,” he said without hesitation. “IknowI fucked up, but I didn’t know how to fix it. For a while, I wasn’t even sure I should. I really did want you to go to Boston if that was whatyouwanted.”
Tears clogged my throat, the reminder of him so willing to let me go just as painful now as it had been the day we’d fought. “And I just wanted you to tell me to stay.”
He made a rough sound in the back of his throat, the pain I was feeling reflected in his eyes. “I’m sorry. Like I said, I fucked up. But I still wouldn’t have given you what you wanted.” He stepped up to me, running a callused finger from my temple to my jaw, my entire body lighting up at the soft touch. “I never want to hold you back, trouble. Never want to be the reason you can’t be everything you want to be.”
His words hit me like a physical force, stealing my breath and any response I hoped to have. My chest ached with a longing so fierce, I was afraid it might crack right open. Just split, straight down the middle.
