And as much as I’d felt the tug to be back in Havenbrook, I couldn’t bring myself to let down my dad’s memory by essentially being a quitter.
Kenna hadn’t moved since I’d uttered my plea, but her mouth hung open, her wide eyes seeming to look right through me.
I reached up and cupped her face, my thumbs brushing over her cheeks as I stared into her eyes. Relishing in our nearness. I hadn’t had it for so long, I didn’t take even a second of it for granted.
“I know this maybe isn’t the best time?—”
She breathed out a disbelieving laugh and shook her head, though I held her steadfast. “That’s oversimplifying things.”
“Maybe,” I agreed with a nod. “But time isn’t on our side, Kenna. I leave in a week.”
She reached up and gripped my forearms, her shoulders slumping. “I know.”
“We don’t have the luxury of waitin’ anymore. I’m leavin’, and I want you with me when I do.”
“Hud,” she said on a sigh, shaking her head. She lowered her gaze, shuttering her eyes from me. “I can’t just— I can’t justleave. They’re countin’ on me.”
“I’mcountin’ on you. Rory and Will are here—hell, Will already works at town hall. Between the two of ’em, they can fill in until your daddy’s back in shape to work again.”
She stepped out of my reach and ran a hand through her hair. “We’ve already gone over this. Rory’s too busy with King Haven, and Will’s too busy doin’ her job and plannin’ the wedding.”
“C’mon, Kenna, they can figure it out. You know they can. They don’t need you here.”
As soon as I saw the devastation written on her face thanks to my words, I wished I could somehow snatch them back. Reverse time and never say them in the first place.
“Wait, that’s not?—”
She held up a hand and shook her head, closing her eyes and just breathing. This was new—the teenage Kenna would’ve told me off without a second thought. Would’ve blown up and chewed me up one side and down the other.
“Fuck,” I said, scrubbing a hand down my face. “This isn’t comin’ out right. Ineed?—”
“I can’t.” Her face was flushed, her eyes red-rimmed, though no tears had fallen. Her temperament might’ve changed slightly in the years I’d been gone, but this hadn’t. She cried when she was angry—something that frustrated her every time it happened.
Though she’d managed to keep her tears at bay, she was definitely pissed as hell right now. And one hundred percent of that fury was directed at me.
I tried not to let my disappointment show, but I felt it. Like a knife to my gut. She could be mad at me—I could handle that. What I couldn’t handle was not being with her, and I didn’t know how to make this work without her coming with. Hadn’t thought much beyond getting her to Joint Base Lewis-McChord with me, but I had to now. Because being without her wasn’t a choice I was willing to make.
“Okay.” I stepped up to her again and swept a piece of hair back from her face just to get my fingers on her. Just to feel her against my skin. “Okay. We’ll figure it out. We can do the long-distance thing until we?—”
“No,” she cut in, her voice hard. “Hud…I can’t.”
Too stunned to do anything but stand there, I stared at her for long moments, trying to comprehend what she was saying. “Can’t…what?”
“I can’t do any of it. Not now. Not after—” She cut herself off, not continuing whatever thought she’d had. Shaking her head, she exhaled a deep breath. “I can’t afford to be distracted from anything right now while everyone’s countin’ on me.”
I expelled a humorless laugh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“I—” She swallowed and crossed her arms over her chest. “I’m not. It’s just… It’s too hard right now.”
“This is fucking unbelievable.” With my hands propped on my hips, I walked in a tight circle, my mind racing as my anger built. “I can’t do this again, Kenna. I can’t be halfway around the world and not know you’re mine.”
“Yeah, well, I can’t be here with you halfway around the world, not knowin’ if you’re safe or even alive, and still do the job the people in my family and this town are countin’ on me to do!”Her voice rose with each word until she lobbed them at me like grenades.
Matching her volume, I said, “This isbullshit! It’s ten years ago all over again. We’re not gonna be together because it’s gonna behard, even though it’s obvious we love each other?”
Kenna squeaked, her eyes widening as she brought up her hand to cover her mouth.
“Yeah, I said it!” I threw my arms out to the sides. “I love you. I’minlove with you and have been as long as I can remember. Feels like it’s been my whole goddamn life, and it’s not goin’ away, Kenna. It’snot. Distance didn’t change it. Time sure as hell didn’t change it. It’s here—” I tapped my chest, right over my heart “—and it’s permanent, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it.”
