I sat silentlyin the truck as Hudson shot worried glances my way. I’d stopped trying to pretend I was okay, because what was the point? He could see right through me anyway.
His hand hadn’t left my knee the entire ride, even when CB had attempted to get him to pet her. He’d held steadfast, and it was the one thing in my life I was thankful for right now because it kept me grounded when it felt like everything was falling apart around me.
Though my daddy’s initial treatment had begun at Havenbrook General, they hadn’t had the proper equipment or staff to deal with the kind of complications he had, so they’d had to transport him via ambulance to the nearest large hospital. That meant Hudson and I were headed to Memphis.
We’d only stopped in Havenbrook long enough to drop off CB with a bewildered but rolling with it Caleb, Lilah standing right by his side, and briefly explain the situation before we were on the road again. We hadn’t even bothered to change or get different clothes, which meant we both looked like we’d spent the past two days hiking and smelled like we’d danced around a bonfire for just as long.
While I couldn’t stop the ball of unease from tightening in my stomach, I took comfort in the fact that Hudson hadn’t asked if he should come, or if I needed him. He’d simply done so, as if it were a foregone conclusion he’d be by my side.
I couldn’t have been more thankful for his presence, because without it, I was sure I’d be tunneling even deeper into my self-loathing, and I didn’t know how much further I could go.
“Who has two thumbs and is gonna go down in history as the worst Havenbrook daughter ever?” I asked, then pointed to myself. “This girl. I honestly didn’t think I could fail any harder at being a Haven, but I guess that’s what I get for bein’ cocky.”
“Hey,” Hudson said, his tone harsh. He squeezed my knee until I looked over at him, his gaze bouncing between the road in front of us and me. “Knock it off. You’re not allowed to do that to yourself—not while I’m around. It was shitty timin’, and that’s it. None of this is on you.”
I huffed out a humorless laugh, resting my head back on the seat and closing my eyes. “I certainly didn’t help matters, though, did I? Makin’ everyone worry and wonder where the hell I was. If I was safe. They needed to have their focus on Daddy, and instead, it was split.” I turned my head toward him. “And you mean to tell me you didn’t feel like the worst kind of son when it was your momma in the hospital and you were halfway around the world?”
“’Course I did. It fucking killed me. All I wanted to do was mow down every obstacle that stood between me and home, but I couldn’t. That’s life, Kenna. Even if we’d come back yesterday as planned, none of this would’ve changed. Your daddy still would’ve had his heart attack. He’d still be in Memphis in surgery. You bein’ there wouldn’t have changed any of it.”
“I know… But maybe I’d’ve gotten to talk to him,” I said, my voice watery. “Tell the big idiot that I love him.”
I rolled my lips between my teeth, forcing back the tears that threatened to spill over.
“Ah, baby…” Hudson interlocked our fingers and brought my hand to his mouth, brushing his lips against my knuckles. “He knows.”
I nodded, desperate for his words to be true. I didn’t exactly have the best relationship with my father—though, to be fair, none of us Haven girls did. He was overbearing and condescending and antiquated. A chauvinist in every sense of the word. He held views that I didn’t, actively roadblocked the things I fought for and believed in with my whole being.
But he was still my daddy, and despite his many, many…manyflaws, I loved him.
“Thank you,” I said softly, hoping to saturate the two words with as much feeling as was filling my chest.
“Don’t thank me for doin’ this, Kenna. I’m here because I want to be, and because I—” He cut off suddenly and shook his head, his left hand tightening on the steering wheel.
I held my breath, desperate to know what he’d been about to say and hoping he’d pick up right where he left off. Had he been about to tell me he loved me? And if he did, what would that mean for us?
Instead, he said, “And the next time I hear you say this is your fault, I’m gonna remind you exactly why this whole thing lands squarely on your daddy’s shoulders. He’s an adult who knew the risks and chose to ignore them. That’s onhim,not you.”
Feeling an odd sort of disappointment that Hudson hadn’t said what I thought he might—though I had absolutely no right to—I sank back into the seat and closed my eyes, knowing the last thing I needed to be focusing on right now when my daddy was lying in a hospital was me and Hudson.
At some point, we must’ve pulled up to the hospital, and I must’ve stepped out of his truck. Must’ve even managed to walk the distance between the parking lot and the ICU waiting room, because suddenly my sisters were there—all of them, even Nat—crushing me between them in a hug, my arm still hanging behind me because I couldn’t seem to let go of my grip on Hudson.
“Don’t youeverdo that again, Mac,” Rory said, her voice stern but quavering, like she was on the verge of crying. “You had us all worried sick. And in case you haven’t noticed, we have other things to be worryin’ about right now.”
I pulled out of the group hug and looked into Rory’s eyes, seeing the sheen there, and felt my mouth dry up. “Daddy?”
Rory pressed her lips together, her eyes filling even more, and I looked to Will or Nat for answers, both of whom wore tired, weary expressions.
“He’s in surgery right now,” Will said. “CABG they called it—coronary artery something or other.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “Open heart surgery?”
Will nodded sagely, squeezing my hand that wasn’t still encased in Hudson’s. “Momma brought him to the ER Saturday mornin’ ’cause of chest pains. They ran some tests and admitted him almost immediately because of the blockage. He, um…” She brought her hand to her temple and closed her eyes before blowing out a breath and shaking her head. “I honestly don’t remember a lot of the details because the past two days have been a blur. But they transferred him here last night, did a whole bunch more tests, and decided he needed surgery ASAP.”
“How long’s he been in there?”
Rory glanced at her watch. “About five hours.”
I closed my eyes and exhaled. I’d been having sex with Hudson on the forest floor without a care in the world while mydaddy went in for life-saving surgery. While my momma and sisters and gran sat with the weight of that on their shoulders.
