She allowed herself to slide forward again, pressing the hottest part of her against the hardest part of him. He let her settle there for a moment before he groaned loudly, gripped her hips, and lifted her right off his lap and onto the seat next to him. He ran his hands down his face and then cupped his head in his palms, breathing deeply until he appeared to get himself under control.
When he lifted his head, he shot her a look that to anyone else would probably appear like irritation. But she’d known him long enough that she could see the underlying humor in his eyes, in the twitch of his mouth.
She shrugged. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I’d be lyin’.”
He barked out a laugh before reaching over and curling his hand around her neck. He traced his thumb over her bottom lip, his eyes seeming to take in every inch of her he could see—and some of the inches he couldn’t. “And your brutal honesty is one of the many reasons I love you.”
Mac froze. She stopped breathing as she just stared at him…at the truth dancing in his brown eyes.
They’d exchanged I love you’s more times than she could count, but they’d always been said with a buddy undertone. They’d alsoneverbeen said after one of them had come in the other’s lap. This was definitely uncharted territory, and Mac wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Didn’t quite know where to go from here.
Holy shit, this was actually happening.
She’d waited and wished and hoped with everything she had that what she felt for him wasn’t one-sided. That the way they fit so perfectly together wasn’t only seen by her.
And it wasn’t.
A smile swept across her lips, her eyes lighting up as she looked at him. She’d kept her feelings for him a secret for so long, she should’ve been able to do it for another few minutes until he was done speaking. But she found she couldn’t. She just couldn’t anymore. The words wanted to pour from her mouth, and she couldn’t do anything to stop them. “I lo—”
“Wait.” Hudson pressed his thumb to her lips, silencing her. His once-playful eyes had grown serious as he watched her. “I don’t deserve to hear that until I tell you this first.”
Mac reached up and wrapped her hand around his forearm, her brow drawing tight. “Don’tdeserve? What do you mean?”
He stared at her for what felt like an eternity. Finally, he pulled her close and dropped one soft, sweet kiss on her lips. With his forehead pressed to hers, he said, “I don’t even know how to tell you this. How to start. And knowing that you could hate me—that you probablywillhate me—when I’m done doesn’t make it any easier.”
Mac pulled away so she could look in his eyes. “What? Hud, no. I’d never hate you. Whatever you have to tell me, just say it. It’ll be fine. Promise.” She said the words, but her stomach had already started churning. What she’d been so happy to hear mere minutes ago now sat heavily on her shoulders. He’d told her he loved her, but maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe he was with someone back at State, and he hadn’t known how to tell Mac.
But, no. Hudson would never do that—wouldn’t pull her into his lap, kiss her like she was the last woman on the face of the earth, and make her come so hard she saw stars. Not if he was spoken for.
So what the hell was so bad he was worried about telling her?Her,of all people? She’d been his best friend for almost two decades. There wasn’t a whole lot he could say that would change that.
“Does your momma know?” she asked.
He picked up one of her hands from her lap and cradled it between both of his, staring intently at them. “Yeah. She…she accidentally opened up a welcome letter.”
“A welcome letter? For what?”
When he lifted his eyes to hers, her stomach bottomed out, something deep inside her recognizing the uncertainty swimming in his gaze. Whatever this welcome letter was for, this was the big thing he had to tell her. It wasn’t about his feelings— never had been. And if they hadn’t just done what they’d done, she’d feel like the dumbest girl in the world for thinking something was happening when it wasn’t.
Except that wasn’t true, was it? He’d been with her the whole way. He’d initiated the kiss. He’d encouraged her with his words and his actions every second they’d been together. She just had to remember that.
When he didn’t answer, she prodded again. “Hudson. What was the welcome letter for?”
He cocooned her hand between his, pressing them tightly together. “The army.”
“The—” Mac jerked back, yanking her hand from his grasp. She tried to calm the racing of her heart, but she might as well have been trying to stop a runaway train. Especially when Hudson kept staring at her, apology written in his eyes. Apology forwhat?
But she already knew. Deep down in her heart, she knew.
“Why would you be receivin’ a welcome letter from the army?”
“I tried, Kenna. I tried goin’ to State to do what my momma wanted me to.Beggedme to. But it didn’t feel like me. It never did. You knew my hesitation about it from the beginning.”
She hadknown. They’d discussed everything in great detail almost two years ago when he’d needed to decide what he was going to do after high school. He’d been torn between going to college or following in his daddy’s footsteps and enlisting, yes. But in the end, he’d decided to do what he thought was best for his momma and sister. He’d taken the path that wasn’t what he’d necessarily wanted but was one she’d thought had still made him happy.
Apparently, she’d been wrong.
He reached for her hand again, and she allowed him to take it, mostly because she was too shocked to do anything else. “I know this isn’t what we planned—it isn’t what any of us planned—but I just… I couldn’t pretend anymore. Every day I was gone not doing what I knew I should be felt like another day I was letting my dad down.”
