I’m beginning to get an understanding of what Mindy was saying, now that the news of me starting is out there, I have no privacy at all. Other guys on the team have been contacted by reporters, and my social media has blown up; to the point where Mindy has taken control of it and I’m not allowed to post or interact with anything without her permission.
There’s no way in hell I’d have been able to shield my relationship with Donovan from any of this, and I’m not even living in Tynerston or been a part of my first press conference yet.
Between all the new attention, wrapping up my classes enough to be able to graduate, and all the research I’m doingfor the move, I haven’t even seen Donovan. I’d hoped to see him around campus, or run into him at the dorm, but when he said it was for the best that we don’t see each other, he clearly meant it.
Leaving without seeing him at all feels wrong, so when my parents arrive Saturday morning to help me move to Tynerston, I ask them to swing by Jamie’s place first. To the outside world, it will look like I’m saying goodbye to friends, but really, I’m desperate to see Donovan again. Fuck, I’ve missed him.
I buzz their building and Max answers, letting me in immediately once he knows who it is.
“Hey,” I say, when he greets me at their door.
“Hey, are you leaving for Tynerston today?” he asks, opening it wider to let me in.
“Yeah, my parents are downstairs, I just wanted to say bye to you both, and… I was hoping to see Donovan.”
“Ah,” he says, “Jamie!”
“Yeah?”
“Stephen’s here.”
Jamie appears, looking more casual than I’ve ever seen him, in sweats and what’s clearly one of Max’s T-shirts.
“Hey you,” he says, pulling me into a hug.
“Hey, I’m heading off and wanted to say goodbye, and I was hoping that maybe Donovan was here?”
I glance at the sofa and see a folded pillow and duvet, evidence of him sleeping there.
“Oh sweetie, you missed him, he just left for the weekend,” Jamie says.
“Left? To go where?”
“I think his brother called and wanted to talk to him; he’s gone to his mom’s place.”
“Fuck,” I whisper; I’ve missed my chance to see him.
“He didn’t tell us why he needed to stay here, but I’m guessing it had something to do with you?” Jamie asks.
I nod. Even though they know I’m pansexual, and understand the situation with football, I wouldn’t be surprised if they hate me for dragging Donovan into this, not when he’s so newly out, and had enough on his plate to deal with.
“Did he say anything about me?”
“No, but he’s been crying a lot,” Jamie says, “and I’m not saying that to hurt you, it’s just that something clearly upset him.”
“Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of crying myself,” I say. “We broke up… I mean, we were together, which you didn’t know, and then we broke up. Not because of anything bad, like an argument, it was just…”
“We get it,” Max says, “you’re under so much pressure with football.”
I nod, tears forming in my eyes. “He said he deserves better than being my secret, and logically I know he’s right. But fuck, I miss him.”
They both pull me into a hug, and I let myself cry against them.
“It sucks,” Jamie says, “I know that’s not helpful, or what you want to hear, but that’s what this is. It’s a shitty situation, and it sucks.”
“Yeah,” Max says, “I know it feels wrong, in every way, but it sounds like you both made the right decision.”
“Then why does it hurt so much?”
