He doesn’t sound angry, he sounds almost desperate; I’ve never heard him like this before, and it’s not what I was expecting from this call.
“Fine, where are you?”
“I’m at Mom and Miguel’s place.”
I’ve got no idea why he’d be at their house; he’s only started going recently because of Beth, so for him to be there of his own accord makes no sense…
“Um… I can meet you there tomorrow, I’ll get the train.” I hang up before he can reply, not trusting myself after what Beth just told me about him, he might not be angry, but I am.
I ring the doorbell instead of letting myself in. I’m not sure why, maybe it’s because Diablo was here first… or maybe I’m just hoping there’s no answer, so I don’t actually have to see him.
When he opens the door, my shoulders drop in disappointment, there goes my plan for not seeing him.
“Hey,” he says, “thanks for coming.”
I nod and head straight for my mom and Miguel, grateful that they’re here. Mom pulls me into a hug; she doesn’t know anything about Stephen or what happened between us, but she must sense I’m unhappy.
“How are you, mijo?” she asks.
“I’m doing okay.”
“I love you,” she says, “this will all be okay.”
“I love you too, Mamá. I hope so.”
She lets me go and I turn to Diablo. “You wanted to talk?”
“Yeah,” he nods, “shall we go sit outside?”
I don’t even reply, not wanting to engage in niceties with him, instead making my way towards the kitchen and out to the pool area.
“Here,” he offers me a beer as he sits on a lounger opposite me.
“What do you want?” I ask, taking the bottle.
“To apologize,” he says, looking at me hopefully. “I was an asshole.”
“You’ve got that right,” I scoff, happy he’s getting straight to the point at least.
“Yeah,” he says, “look, I know there’s no excuse for the way I acted. It all just came as such a shock. I never in a million years would’ve thought that you might… you know.”
For fuck’s sake, he can’t even say it. “If you can’t even say the fucking word, what are we doing here?”
“You’re right, you’re right,” he says, holding his hands up in apology. “It just never even crossed my mind that you might be gay. Honestly, I was probably too busy being subconsciously jealous thinking you were with Elizabeth to even notice anything.”
“The only reason I never corrected you is because I was terrified of you finding out the truth, it was easier to just let you believe she was my girlfriend.”
“I know, I get that now. And knowing that you’ve lived for so long feeling terrified of me, scared of me knowing who you really are. Shit, Donovan, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. I know it’s all on me, I let Frank get into my head about the club years ago—the rules he made, his priorities, his views of the world and how other people should live their lives. No matter how much I hated him, I let myself become just like him. All this time I thought I was protecting you, but you were just as scared of me as you were of him.”
Well shit. I wasn’t expecting this, for him to have thought this through so much. I take a moment to look at him properly. He’s a mess, clearly fighting again if the bruises on his hands and face are anything to go by. And he looks faded compared to last time I saw him, when he was still with Beth, maybe happy for the first time in his life. As angry as I am, I find myself feeling sorry for him.
“I mean, you’re not completely like him,” I say, “in a lot of ways you’re better than him.”
“Am I?”
“Yeah, granted, you’ve been a piece of shit about this, but otherwise, you’ve always looked out for me. Protected me and Mom from him countless times, you are better than him, Diablo.”
“Hmm…” he says, “there is some more that I’ve got to tell you, and that might change your opinion of me.”
