Connor got up for a moment to put more wood on the fire and got it going again, then sat back down and gathered me back into his arms. He began stroking up and down my back in a rhythmic motion that soon had me completely relaxed again. The tension and sadness of my memories fading away. “So did you ever find out what happened to your mom or is it still a mystery?” he asked after a while.
“Mr. Parsons, the PI, found out what he could right after we moved here. He dug around and learned she had taken up with a gambler that she thought had a lot of money. She saw a meal ticket, but he was using her. He pimped her out a couple of times and used the money to buy into a big game, that was supposed to be his big break, but he lost…Big. He had borrowed a good bit in addition to the money Mom made him and all of a sudden he was a wanted man. He had to go on the run and Mom went with him. She had mentioned a few weeks before that since I had a job and was making money now that we didn’t need her anymore, but I didn’t think she’d been serious.” Connor hugged me close, and I buried my head into his chest and held on tight to this loving and caring man like a lifeline.
“She borrowed money herself from some people, too, so they were both running on borrowed time. They were both found shot in the head point blank and left in the alley where they fell. There were no witnesses, or none that would come forward. I told them all about the cop who had come into our apartment and roughed us up, but nothing ever came of it because we had no proof and didn’t have a name. Neither my mom nor the guy had any ID on them, so if Mr. Parson’s hadn’t gone looking, she might have been buried as a Jane Doe and we would never have known what happened to her. I guess even now it doesn’t really matter. She threw us away and left us to fend for ourselves. We were so goddamn lucky to have family who was looking for us.”
Connor put his hand under my chin and lifted my head up until I could look him in the eye. I was shocked to find he had been crying, his cheeks wet and his eyes glassy. I reached up and cradled his scruffy jaw with my smaller hand, gently wiping the tear tracks with my thumb. “Don’t cry for me, Conn, I’m fine now, I promise. I’ve had a good life even if parts were hard.”
Connor turned his strong jaw and rubbed against my hand, then turned even further placing a kiss on my palm. “I’m not crying for who you are now. I’m crying for eight-year-old Ladd who offered to clean dishes and tables so his brothers could eat even if he didn’t get anything in return. God, Ladd, if I ever had any reservations about the kind of man you are.” He shook his head and then leaned into me placing his forehead against mine. “That story, Ladd, it wrecked me while you were telling it. How could a mother do that to her kids? All I could imagine was your sweet face having to beg for your brothers and thinking you weren’t worthy of anything but scraps. I just want to wrap you up and hold you close until all the ugliness in the world can’t touch you ever again. You’re probably one of the best, most genuine men I’ve ever met, and I’m so fucking honored that you would even consider being with me.”
Connor didn’t know it, but this was the moment I fell in love with him. I felt a lightness in my throat and a heaviness in my chest all at once. I had never felt emotions with actual weight to them, but I felt the importance of this single moment in time. I didn’t have the words to express my feelings. The moment was so raw, so I kissed him. It wasn’t sexy or passionate or lust-inducing. This was a kiss of promises made and promises accepted. It only lasted a few minutes, then by unspoken agreement, we snuggled back together and kept watching the flames dance in the cool night air.
Eventually, the day finally caught up to me, and I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, Connor was carrying me to my bedroom and settling me under the covers after removing my socks, belt, and bowtie. I woke up for a second when I felt Penny curl up in her usual spot by my legs and heard Connor curse, “Jesus Christ, that’s the biggest cat I’ve ever seen!” I opened my eyes and let out a tired giggle, and he leaned over and gave me a sweet peck on the lips. “Sleep tight, Ladd, this was the most fantastic first date in the history of first dates. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, he was gone, and he took a piece of my heart with him.
