Chapter Nine
What the hellis wrong with me?I thought to myself as I made our hot chocolate—with marshmallows thank you very much. I had sent Connor onto the back porch with the excuse of starting the fireplace, but really it was to give myself a good talking to. I’d thrown myself at him not once but twice tonight and even propositioned him on our first date. And this was all after asking him specifically to go slow and give us time. I was giving this guy more mixed signals than a traffic cop with a bee buzzing his face.So, what the hell is wrong with me tonight?
But, I knew what it was. I had already started falling for Connor, and I didn’t want to go slow at all. But wasn’t it too soon though? We’d only known each other a few weeks.
I really thought about that and decided that no, it wasn’t too soon for me to care for Connor. He had shown me every side of his personality in that short amount of time. And since I hadn’t really been trying to impress him in the beginning, he had seen all of my sides, too. The fact that he seemed to embrace my quirks was icing on the cake, but I loved how protective of me he was, no matter the situation. He even wanted to protect me from the sun if he could. I liked this man so much, so I needed to quit acting like a horny teenager and take this seriously.
Decision made, hot chocolate ready, and kitchen cleaned, because it was me and it would drive me nuts if it wasn’t, I made my way out to the porch. Once I got out there, I noticed Connor had moved the wicker sofa to sit in front of the fireplace just far enough away to be comfortable and not too hot. “I like what you’ve done to the place,” I teased, and he looked up with a growing blush on his cheeks. Seeing this big man when he blushed, made my knees go weak.
“Sorry, I know you’re the designer extraordinaire, but it’s really getting cool out here, and I didn’t want you to catch a chill.”
And there it was again, Connor looking out for me and my comfort. How could I have missed all the signs he’d been giving me? If I wasn’t completely wrong, he was falling for me a little, too. I had to smile now because my path was clear. I would do everything I could to make sure this worked, starting with hot chocolate and a heart to heart. Mind made up. My happy thoughts were interrupted by Connor’s rumbled laughter.
“You know you have a bed on your back porch, right?”
I turned my head toward the item in question and then smirked back at him. “I’m fully aware, thank you very much. A local guy makes them, and I had to have one when I saw it. If you look closely, you’ll notice it’s not just a queen-sized mattress, it’s also a swing.”
Connor’s head whipped back around, then he walked over to the corner and pushed my daybed until it was moving in a gentle back and forth. “Well, I’ll be damned! That could make for an interesting rainy afternoon.” He gave me a leer and wiggled his eyebrows at me.
Sophisticate that I was, I snorted in my hot chocolate. “It actually is great on a rainy afternoon, and lucky for you, it’ll hold up to one thousand pounds.” This time I waggled my eyebrows at him. God, I had forgotten how much fun it was just flirting with someone you really liked.
Chuckling again, Connor made his way back over to me and picked his mug from my hand, letting his fingers slide over mine. “That’s good to know. I’ll keep that in mind the next rainy day I’m over this way.”
“Count on getting an invite the next time rain is in the forecast.”
Connor looked at me with his eyebrows raised in question, and I just smiled and moved around him to sit on the now toasty sofa cushions. He followed me and sat down in the corner propping his feet up on the hearth and slinging his right arm along the back of the cushions. It was an invitation I couldn’t refuse, so I scooted over and settled myself hip to hip next to him, resting my head on his shoulder and curling my legs beside me on the cushion. Without missing a beat, Connor curled his arm around my shoulders and snuggled me into his side like he’d done it a hundred times before.
We both silently watched the flames catch and grow in the new fire for quite some time, neither one wanting to disturb this fragile peace we’d found at the end of such a chaotic night. Relaxed and secure next to Connor, my mind started wandering down my crooked and decrepit memory lane, and I decided to share.
“The first time I remember being cold and hungry, I was around eight, and the twins were six,” I said just above a whisper. Connor squeezed my shoulders in acknowledgment but didn’t say anything. I was grateful for his silent support. “Mom had been doing okay for us for a while, and we’d had a roof over our heads for a few months, but then she’d gone on a bender and passed out for a day or two. The twins didn’t understand, so they were crying, and I decided if we were going to eat, it was up to me. It was December, and we had landed in Tennessee, no idea the town, but it was bitterly cold that day.” I peered into the flames of the fire and feeling safe in Connor’s embrace, I became lost in the memory.
“Come on, guys. We’re going for a walk and getting some supper.” I faked my happiness so they’d quit crying. Remy quit first, and then he hugged Rhett until he stopped, too. Remy as always comforted Rhett who was the quieter and shyer of the two.
“What about Mama?” Rhett asked in his soft voice.
“She’s still asleep, so I’m going to take care of us and get us something to eat.” They took my word as gospel and got their threadbare coats on with my help. We all left our sad, dirty motel and began walking down the highway out front with me holding onto each of their hands so they wouldn’t stray into the traffic. We had gone to a little diner up the road several days before, and the waitress had been nice to us. She’d even given the twins ice cream for free. I was hoping she would be there today and maybe she’d do it again. Ice cream wasn’t supper, but it would fill our bellies for a while.
The little bell above the front door jingled when we made our way inside, and I walked toward the back looking for the nice lady. I nearly cried when I finally saw her talking to an older man behind the counter where they placed the food from the kitchen. She eventually caught sight of us and turned with a huge grin on her face.
“Well hey there, sugar, what can I do for you?” She looked behind and around us, then asked, “Where’s ya mama at?”
I looked down at the floor for a second before answering, “Uhm, she’s still asleep at the motel, ma’am, the twins were hungry, so I thought I’d bring them down here and see if you had any more of that free ice cream you gave them the other day?”
Her smile fell off of her nice face, and I thought she was mad at me for asking for something for free, so I tried to make it right. “If it’s not free no more, I can work for it. I’m good at cleaning things. I do it all the time for my brothers and me. I could wash dishes or wipe tables.” Now the nice lady had tears in her eyes, and I was completely devastated. She wouldn’t help us if she was so mad she cried like Mama did when we made too much noise. I shrugged my shoulders in defeat and grabbed my brothers’ hands again, fighting my own tears back in defeat. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset. We’ll go.” And I turned back to the front door.
“Now hold on, sugar, I’m not mad, sweetheart. I just got somethin’ in my eye all of a sudden there. Now, don’t you be going off without eatin’ your supper.” I couldn’t believe my ears. She wasn’t mad after all.
“You mean you still have some of the free ice cream?” I couldn’t hold in my excitement and beamed my best smile at the nice lady again.
“Oh, sugar, you’re in luck, we have all kinds of things for free on the menu today. Why don’t you tell me what you and your brothers like and I’ll tell you if it’s on special or not.” She turned her head toward the man in the window, and he gave her a deep nod of his head. I didn’t know what that was about, but I was going to be careful with what I asked for, just to be sure.
“Um, my brothers like hamburgers a lot, if that’s on special, if not, they’ll eat soup. Lots of times we share a can, and we can get by a day or two on that.”
The nice lady was smiling again, but her eyes were still watery. She must have still had something in her eyes. “You’re in luck again, sweetheart, hamburgers are on the list, so your brothers are taken care of, now what would you like?” I wanted to tell her a hamburger was good for me, too, but just then another waitress came out with a big plate piled high with roast beef, gravy, and mashed potatoes. I’d had that once, and it had been delicious. I stared at the plate as it made its way over to the customer, my mouth watering and maybe even drooling a little. I wiped my mouth and then shook my head. That wasn’t for me. I turned back to the nice lady, but she’d already turned to the man in the window. “Earl, I need two burgers with fries and carrots for these two fellas, then I need a big plate of roast beef with all the fixins for the little man.” She turned back to me then and said in her sweetest voice yet. “Now come on and let me get you youngins a table and something to drink.”
I didn’t notice I had started tearing up at the memory until Connor reached up and wiped my cheek with his thumb. “So what happened after you ate, did they call Child Protective Services?” he asked me gently, still stroking my cheek. I turned my body into him, head on his strong chest and wrapped my right arm around his waist.
“No. No one called CPS. About an hour later, when we were finished eating, Mom ran into the diner frantic, looking for us. She convinced them that she had nodded off and we had taken it upon ourselves to go on an adventure. They all knew it was probably a lie, but it was easier to believe she was a good mother down on her luck rather than believe she neglected her kids. The waitress passed Mom some cash as we were leaving, then we checked out of the motel and skipped town that night. I wish I knew where it was. I would love to go back one day and pay them back. They fed three starving kids that day without blinking an eye. You don’t find that sort of kindness much anymore.”
