‘Babe, I’m here, and…’ The guy’s voice again. What was his name? Tom?
‘Todd, is she…’ She stopped, and Cammy could see she was unable to say it.
‘No, no, she’s still with us, but the nurses think…’ He broke off.
‘She doesn’t have long?’ Caro finished the sentence.
‘I don’t think so, sweetheart.’
Caro’s features crumpled and, instinctively, Cammy put his hand on hers. Anyone else would have done the same. Just a human gesture, one person trying to comfort another.
‘Ask her to hold on for me, Todd. Tell her I’m coming. Tell her to wait. Please. She’ll hear you.’
‘I will, Caro. I’ll tell her.’
She disconnected again, then didn’t say anything for several miles. When she did the sorrow was almost tangible. ‘I knew this was going to happen. Sometimes I actually hoped it would happen soon because it was no way for her to live, so I should be prepared for this, yet I’m not.’
Cammy searched for the right thing to say. ‘I don’t think anyone ever could be. Are you okay?’ Stupid question. Of course she wasn’t.
She paused until more words came. ‘She would hate living like that,’ Caro went on. ‘She was funny and loved a party and was so full of life… so much more so when my dad was home. In a way I understand what Lila has been feeling, because I grew up with that too. I do think Mum loved me, but there was no doubt that her sun only rose to full height when he was home. She worshipped him. And when he was gone it was like the temperature dropped a few notches, like nothing else was quite enough. Of course, I didn’t realise it at the time.’
‘I find that whole scenario – the two families thing – impossible to get my head around,’ Cammy admitted.
‘Me too, in a way, but in other ways, not so much. He was never much of a dad to me. I think that’s why it hurt so much that I thought he and Lila were really close. It makes me a terrible person but I’m glad that wasn’t true. I think that would have been too tough to handle and would have ended up costing me a fortune in therapy. At least he was an equal-opportunities inadequate lying scumbag.’
‘And it hasn’t put you off relationships,’ he said, looking for the silver lining. ‘Your husband seems like a really nice guy and he sounds like he really cares about you.’
‘I’m not… Oh, you mean Todd?’
‘The guy you were speaking to.’
A smile. ‘Todd’s my cousin. More like a brother really. We grew up together and he loves mum just as much as me. We stick together, have done since we were kids. He’s very happily engaged to a Canadian hairdresser called Jared. Madly in love. Gives me hope.’
‘I could probably do with some of that. Ouch – how pathetic did that sound?’
‘That was right up at the top level of “pathetic”,’ she concurred. ‘Are you still hoping things will work out with Lila?’
A faint smile. ‘No. Not to sound clichéd, but I can already see that she’s done me a favour. Whatever her reasons,whatever is going on, I think it’s probably worked out the way that it should have.’
His voice tailed off into comfortable silence, leaving her to stare out of the window, watching the Dundee landscape go by.
Cammy reckoned they were about halfway now. It was almost midnight, he’d had barely any sleep last night, then today had been the most stressful day in memory, he’d been driving for an hour and a half, his life was in tatters, and… shit… he’d just realised that he’d have to move out of Lila’s flat, so he was now homeless too. Not up there with the more successful days of his life, but nothing was broken, nothing irreplaceable had been lost, this wasn’t going to leave him in a dark room for months waiting for the pain to subside.
It was unexpected, but even if he prodded his heart for signs of pain, he’d only be able to register a faint ache, and only then because he was a bit mortified that he’d got it so wrong.
The ring of Caro’s phone shattered the easy, comfortable silence.
‘Caro…’
Todd again, and this time there was something in his voice, an extra layer of sadness. Caro heard it too.
‘Is she gone?’ she asked fearfully.
‘No, but the nurses think it’s only a matter of minutes. I don’t think you’re going to make it, sweetheart,’ he said, his tone thick with care and compassion. ‘What shall I do?’
‘Are you next to her bed?’ He could see her face had drained of colour and her eyes were brimming with tears.
‘Of course,’ he answered.
