He had another try. ‘I kind of wish the thing with you and Auntie Sarah was true, it would make this so much easier.’
Bernadette wasn’t following at all.
‘Right. So. The thing is…’ He was struggling and she had no idea how to help him. ‘The thing is,’ he repeated, ‘I was going to come and speak to you and Dad sometime soon… I was working up to it… because I wanted to tell you that… that… Mum, I’m gay. Connor, that I share the flat with – not just a housemate.’
This was astonishing. Surprising. Right out of left field. Yet, she suddenly realised that it made perfect sense. She’d never seen him so happy, so content, so relaxed, than he’d been over the last few months. Without giving a second thought to what anyone else in the café would think, she threw her arms around him. ‘Oh, Stuart, I’m so glad for you, I really am. I’m thrilled that you’ve found someone that makes you happy. You know that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.’
His shaking shoulders told her he was either laughing or suffocating so she eventually released him. ‘I know, Mum.’
Sitting back, she could see the relief. ‘I wish you’d told me before. I don’t understand why you didn’t.’ It was true. They’d always had a close relationship; she’d thought they’d been able to share anything. He hadn’t had a lot of girlfriends in his life, but there had been a few – were those just attempts to fit in?
Had she failed to make him understand that she’d love him unconditionally and accept him no matter who he was? Did he not realise that she wouldn’t give a hoot about his sexuality, as long as he was with someone who was good to him and loved him the way he deserved to be loved? Had staying with Kenneth all these years actually given her children the wrong message?
‘I didn’t know myself. I mean, I wondered. Kind of. But I wasn’t sure. Some people know from when they’re kids, but it’s only been in the last couple of years that I’ve realised, and I only knew for sure when I moved in with Connor. It was just a flat-share at the beginning, although I knew he was gay. Didn’t take me long to realise I definitely was too.’
‘Are you together now?’
He nodded. ‘Yeah. I don’t know if it’s going to be the everlasting love of my life, but we’re good. He’s a great guy.’
‘I’m so, so happy for you.’
Now it was his turn to squeeze her hand. ‘And I’m happy for you too, Mum. I mean, it’ll take a bit of adjustment, but we’ll get there. If the last few months have taught me anything it’s that you just have to go with what you feel. When are you going to tell dad?’
‘Tonight.’
‘Ah. He won’t be happy.’
‘That might be an understatement.’
Stuart thought about that for a moment. ‘He’ll be fine, Mum. So will you. We all will.’
Dear Lord, so far, today wasn’t playing out how she thought it would at all. And that could only be a good thing. On what should have been the hardest day of her life, she was actually, right there and then, feeling pretty over the moon. Her kids accepted her decision. That was the single biggest fear and worry that she’d had since she decided to leave – actually, longer than that. It was the single biggest fear and worry for the last thirty years. She could handle anything that Kenneth threw at her from here on in. She could cope with every issue and difficulty that would come her way. But she couldn’t have functioned if her children had been devastated by this or, worse, rejected her. They hadn’t and her gratitude was immense.
Still holding Stuart’s hands, she sat back slightly in her chair, something niggling her. ‘Now that you know for sure, why would you have to work up to telling us?’ It didn’t make sense. Kenneth was many things, but he wasn’t homophobic. At least, she’d never seen any signs of that. Sure, it might be a shock to him, but she didn’t think he’d react badly to it. ‘Your dad wouldn’t have been disappointed or upset about your sexuality.’ At least she hoped he wouldn’t be, but after his reaction to Nina’s decision to marry Gerry, who knew? He’dnever shown any sign of it, but maybe there was a part of Kenneth that wanted to control the kids’ lives too.
‘No, I know… but, er… he would have been pretty pissed off when I told him I’m also dropping out of medicine,’ he confessed sheepishly.
It took her a moment. ‘Seriously? Why?’
There was no anger, no judgement – she was in no position to dole out either, given her bombshell of the day. Although,shemight be off the hook on telling Kenneth, because if Stuart got in there first with this revelation, the shock would probably kill him.
Stuart took another drink before he spoke. ‘Because I was doing that for him. Because it was what he expected. Because it was what I’d always thought I’d do. But it’s not me, Mum. I’ve realised so much about myself in the last few months. I know exactly who I want to be and what I want to do, so I’m switching to something that interests me far more.’
‘What?’
‘Law. I want to be a lawyer. Financial law, I think, not criminal. Although, obviously there’s some crossover there.’
The gale of amusement swept Bernadette away before she even saw it coming. The stress. The relief. Everything about this crazy day. It all tipped over from the surreal to the absolutely bizarre, and for some reason she couldn’t comprehend at all – probably the menopause – she suddenly couldn’t stop the hilarity taking hold. People were turning to stare at the laughing woman now, curious and faintly amused at the tears of merriment that were streaming down her face.
‘Mum?’ Stuart joined in, chuckling too, but clearly not quite understanding her reaction. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I am, my darling, but it’s just…’ Off she went again, huge guffaws now, a sound so contagious that the spectators, trying their best to pretend they weren’t aware of her, were having to mask their smiles and suppress their urge to giggle. It was like one of those viral videos, where someone on a train started to laugh and within seconds the whole carriage was in an uproar.
‘… It’s just…’ Another chuckle. ‘Law!’ she said, collapsing again with the hilarity of it.
Much as he was enjoying his mum’s reaction, the reason for her hysteria still wasn’t clear to her son. ‘Why is that so funny?’
It took every iota of effort Bernadette possessed to pull it together. She fought to stop laughing. She wiped her eyes. She took a deep breath. She cleared her throat. ‘Because I’m about to take half our savings and there’s a fair chance your dad will have me arrested.’
