Time seems to slow down, allowing me to truly appreciate this moment. All I can feel is Sophie, safe in my arms. All I can hear is the sound of her breathing, steady and slow.
Eventually, I feel Sophie drift off to sleep, still in my arms, anchored firmly to me. I’m staying.
And as I drift off to sleep, my last thought is a promise to her.
Always.
Chapter Eighteen
Sophie
Warm.
I feel so warm and cozy as I’m gently eased out of sleep. I snuggle into my pillow with a soft sigh.
But... my pillow is a little tougher than usual... and breathing... and there's athump-thump-thumpbeating from it. Also, it smells really good—like cedar and clean laundry—a really familiar, comforting scent. It smells like—
Callum.
My eyes snap open. I’m on the couch in my living room, not on a pillow. Instead, I’m in Callum’s lap, my head nestled between his chest and shoulder. This can’t be comfortable for him—he’s still upright, his long frame crammed onto my couch, sleeping with his head against mine. His strong arm is around my waist, anchoring me to him.
And this was the most comfortable, deep sleep I've had in a long, long time.
No nightmares, and none of that lingering foggy feeling in my head.
Just warmth and calm, the quiet after the storm, I guess. Letting my fears out in the open, finally allowing myself to break, and having Callum's steady presence holding onto me is what I really needed.
I glance down and smile at our entwined hands. We must have done that in the night, our hands seeking each other like magnets, as if being molded together wasn’t close enough.
I like Callum. Like,likeCallum. That much is clear, which doesn't feel as odd as it should, considering I'm not too far out ofa long-term relationship. Because it's Callum and he's...
He's just... well, he’samazing.
Handsome,obviously, but his beauty isn't just skin deep. It's all the way to the marrow of him, to his very soul.
He's kind and attentive, always in tune with my feelings, like how he saw right through me yesterday morning as soon as I opened the door. He's so emotionally intelligent, the way he can talk me off the ledge I've placed myself on, gently guiding me out of a panic. He gives me solid advice, not just fake niceties, but he puts things into perspective for me.
He's so considerate, never pushing me to talk before I'm ready, letting me set the pace.
Conversation can flow endlessly between us, shifting smoothly from playful banter to more profound topics. I feel completely at ease with Callum. I can talk to him and feel that he genuinely listens, not just waiting for his turn to speak.
The fact that he researched chemotherapy and its side effects, stocking his truck with ginger candies, peppermints, and emesis bags for me, is a level of care I’ve never experienced. He didn't even flinch when I got sick in front of him yesterday.
The offers to drop everything, leave his store, even though it's his livelihood, just to drive me to and from chemotherapy.
He’s unlike any other man I’ve ever met. Honestly, he's everything I could have ever asked for in a best friend, in a partner.
The way he treats me and what he's done for me after such a short period of time... well, it’s making me question things.
Like, how good was the relationship I had with Paul, really?
I had thought it was solid, amazing, incredible. I thought that I was so lucky to have a partner like Paul. Compared to the other romantic relationships I've had, it was better. I felt happy, in love, and content. Paul took me on dates and regularly bought me flowers. We navigated some pretty stressful times, markedby minor disagreements or arguments—our Master's degrees together, traveling, and moving. We had what I considered a great and passionate sex life.
And yet...
In six years, I've never felt as fulfilled as I have in the last month.
Is it the cancer? Has staring at my mortality in the face caused some chemical change in my brain that is making all of these feelings and emotions bubble up? Is it just the enormity of cancer masking everything, or is it actually a much-needed cleansing, pulling off the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing for too long?
