And yet, the first thought in my mind this morning, and in every morning since that day, has been about Sophie.
It’s her birthday tomorrow.September 9.Always easy for me to remember.
My second thought is of her pretty little face. I'd wake her on her birthdays with kisses. She would giggle and pretend to be asleep. I would keep kissing her, thrusting my inevitable morning erection into her. She'd peek one gorgeous eye open before burying her head under the pillow. I'd coax her awake. First with my hands. Then with my mouth. She would smile down at me so sweetly after she came.
My girl.
I think of all the birthdays I spent with her, her twenty-fifth birthday at that steakhouse in the city that she loves.
Her twenty-seventh birthday when I gave her that little gold heart-shaped necklace she never took off.
It broke off somewhere in the ocean on our engagement trip while we were swimming, and she was devastated. She cried and apologized to me over and over again, as if she had lostit on purpose. I kissed her tears away while I soothed her and promised I'd buy her a million more necklaces if she would just smile for me.
Six months ago, I had asked her what she wanted to do for it—a birthday trip, a spa day, or a fancy dinner? She had shaken her head and said we should stay in and save money for the wedding. She said as long as she spent the day with me, she would be happy.
We always spent her birthdays together.
Then, she found that lump, and we heard the word cancer.
And I...
Looking down, the sight of the blonde head of hair sprawled across my chest is still unfamiliar. Elise is significantly taller than Sophie, who only reached five feet two. Elise's body is lean and strong, thanks to Pilates, with her muscles defined beneath her tanned skin. Sophie, on the other hand, is small and plush, her curves always so soft.
I don't even think they share a single similarity.
Well, one—neither are from Starling Cove.
Was the reason I was so attracted to Elise because she was something different, fresh, and new? My past relationships burned fast and bright, thenburned outeven faster. Sophie was the first one who had lasted more than eight-months for me. I had been attracted to her from the get-go, and then when I actually got to know Sophie, she was so fresh and different.
She's smart as hell, the smartest girl I've ever met, determined to pursue her goals in a way I had never encountered before. She would never step on others, and if she encountered a roadblock, she would find another path. And she wouldn't stop until she was there.
Sophie was so accommodating, willing to do anything for me, listen to all my problems, and meet me more than halfway ifneeded. She was selfless, and I knew she was a little broken from her fucked up parents, so I had wanted to be a safe place for her.
And I was.
Sophie gave me everything I needed in a girlfriend, so when my parents and friends brought up marriage, I felt confident that it was a sign. I had never felt for anyone else what I did for Sophie.
Until Elise. I have… some feelings for Elise.
Elise started at my job a little after I did, quickly becoming popular around Starling Cove City Hall. We worked closely on multiple projects, her being in Public Relations and me being the City Planner. We would frequently go out to lunch together. First, as a work group, and then it would filter down to just me and Elise. I always let Sophie know that I was eating with a work colleague, and she had been fine with it. She trusted me.
"I thought, 'Sophie, come on! This is Paul you're talking about. Your Paul. He loves you, he would never betray you like that.' I'm so stupid."
Sophie's words from that day make me flinch. She trusted me, and she shouldn't have. I did love her,I do love her still, probably will forever,but I did betray her. I was drowning, unable to handle the fear for her future and mine, and I needed someone to throw me a line.
Elise did.
Elise was escape, comfort, and air.
But the more time I've spent with Elise, without the tether of Sophie waiting for me at home, the more I've learned about her. This is normal, though, when the usual glamour of the relationship wears off, and you start to see the actual person underneath. In theory, that's supposed to make it better when your partner messes up for the first time, and you take them off the pedestal.
It happened with Sophie, but it only made me love her more.
Elise is... not Sophie.
She's rigid in a way Sophie wasn't.
Sophie was structured, Sophie was routine, Sophie was organized.
