After getting dressed, I leave the bathroom and walk over to Cole, who stands next to the motorcycle in front of one of the floor-to-ceiling windows, smoking a cigarette. I follow his gaze outside and don’t look away even when I notice from the corner of my eye that he’s turning his head to glance at me.
"Can I ask you something?"
He exhales a cloud of smoke and nods. "Sure."
I search for the right words but just can’t bring them past my lips yet. "What did you do before you… you know…"
He thinks for a moment until he understands what I’m talking about. "You mean the condom?"
Frowning, I look at him after all. "What is that?"
He takes one last drag from his cigarette before stubbing it out in an ashtray. "It’s for protection, so you don’t get pregnant."
His words make me feel uncomfortably warm in an instant. Why didn’t I think for a moment that this is exactly what sex leads to?
"You mean… I won’t be able to have children?"
A smile appears on his lips as he turns to me, puts his hand on my cheek, and strokes the corner of my mouth with his thumb; a gesture he seems addicted to. As he does so, he lets his gaze wander over my face and gives a slight shake of his head before answering me.
"You can still have kids," he explains patiently. "Just not from this one time."
Frustration arises in me. At the same time, I feel terribly stupid, which is why I turn away and look out the window again. "I’m not sure I understand."
My mother taught me about getting pregnant, but she never said a word aboutpreventingit. She always made it sound as if sex would inevitably lead to babies. It was only for procreation and, apart from that, a sin in any way. However, she also never told me how pleasurable and utterly breathtaking it could be, so…
"Come on," Cole urges, moving away from me. "I’ll show you."
I follow him and sit down next to him on the edge of the bed while he retrieves something from the nightstand. It’s a small, shiny silver pouch. After tearing it open, he pulls out a rubbery ring and rolls it between his fingers until he’s holding some kind of tube that’s closed at one end.
It looks like a tiny sock made of a slick, stretchy material.
"The man puts it on his penis," he says, holding the condom between us so I can get a closer look. "That way, the sperm can’tget into the woman’s body. It stays in here." At his last words, he points at a small tip at the sealed end.
I look at the strange object and tilt my head. "So… this was on you and then… inside me?"
Cole nods. "Yes."
"What happens to it afterward?"
Shrugging, Cole stuffs the condom back into the small package. "You throw it away." Then he stands up to do just that.
"Do you always have to use one?"
Cole turns back to me and leans against the kitchen counter. "Not necessarily. There are other contraceptives, but condoms are the only ones that also protect against sexually transmitted diseases."
I widen my eyes in shock. "Diseases?"
He nods again, his expression now serious. "Yes. Gonorrhea, syphilis, HIV… A condom keeps you from getting infected if your partner is ill. It can save lives."
"So youshouldalways use one," I conclude.
"If you’re with your partner for a long time, trust each other, and you’re both healthy, you can do without it."
Lowering my eyes, I think about his words. So I didn’treallyfeel him because the condom was in between. The thought makes me sad, but at the same time, I’m relieved that I won’t become pregnant. But what other contraceptives are there? And what are these diseases he was talking about? Why are they transmitted through sex, and how does he put on that condom anyway?
My spinning mind doesn’t seem to escape Cole.
"Don’t worry," he reassures me, squatting down in front of me and brushing my hair aside so he can look at me. "You won’t get pregnant or ill."
