When I realize what she’s talking about, I stand, go to her, and gently put a hand to her cheek. "It’s not a big deal. It’s just a sheet."
"I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be having my period right now." She looks past me and chews on the inside of her cheek, which almost makes me furious.
"Hey, little darling. Look at me."
Still, she refuses, but this time, I don’t force her and just keep talking.
"There’s nothing to be sorry for, you hear me?Nothing. Besides, I don’t think it’s period blood. It’s probably because of what we did." I just can’t bring myself to say out loud that I took her virginity.
Finally, she lifts her gaze and looks at me with a hint of confusion. "Is it normal that it bleeds?"
"It can happen the first time, yes," I explain in a calm voice even though everything inside me is raging. "But it’s nothing to worry about or be ashamed of."
Fuck… what have I done?
Of course I know there can be some slight bleeding and that there’s not much I could have done to avoid it. But still, it’s like a punch in my gut, making what I did feel even more real and, in a twisted way, kind of barbaric and cruel.
"Come on," I say, reaching for her hand. "I’ll run you a bath."
Sophie nods and lets me lead her back into the bathroom, where I turn on the bathtub faucet and throw in one of the bathbombs Jules left here. Immediately, the water turns purple while the smell of jasmine settles heavily around us.
"I’ll get you some clothes. Be right back."
I don’t mind picking out underwear for her. I’ve stolen some for Jules countless times before I made enough money from the races for her to buy some on her own. So I don’t overthink it. I just grab some simple panties and an equally plain bra, hoping both are comfortable.
When I re-enter the bathroom with a slight knock on the door, Sophie is still standing there with the towel around her hips, watching the mountain of foam grow larger and larger. I put the clothes down and go to her before bringing my hand to her cheek again. She lifts her gaze and looks at me with those huge amber eyes that do things to me that I still don’t understand.
"Take your time, okay?"
She nods as I gently stroke the corner of her mouth with my thumb before lowering my hand again. "Thank you."
I remain silent because I don’t deserve her thanks, then turn away to leave her alone.
I walk to the bed and flip the blanket aside, my stomach turning at the sight. It’s not that I have a problem with a woman’s blood. To me, any guy who finds that even slightly disgusting is simply a jerk. No, that isn’t it. It’s the fact that the tiny blood stain on the otherwise snow-white sheet feels like a monument. A stark reminder that only a few hours ago, I took the virginity of the girl who appeared out of nowhere in my life just six days ago.
Yes, Sophie may have literally begged me to do it, but I still shouldn’t have given in to her. It was wrong and selfish and unforgivable because she had no idea what she was saying. And I still did it.
Cursing, I pull the sheet off and dispose of it in the dumpster outside so she doesn’t have to see it again. I, on the other hand, will never forget the sight. It’s burned into my retinas forever, a permanent reminder of what a bastard I am.
THIRTY-SEVEN
SOPHIE
The hot water doesn’t make me forget the pain and the blood, but it makes it easier for me to stop thinking about it. Instead, I lie in the fragrant purple water and relive the morning in my head.
It was overwhelming and almost frightening how the desire engulfed me and took over my thinking. But I probably wouldn’t have been able to convince Cole to continue otherwise. I never would have been able to feel his hands on my body and especiallythere.Wouldn’t have experienced how gentle yet possessive he can be, and that there’s nothing to be afraid of when it comes to him. I wouldn’t have experienced what it’s like to be so close to another person and what Cole feels like.
Not for one second did I regret insisting on getting what I wanted. There was not a single moment of doubt because it was the only right thing to do. I hope that I never forget the feeling Cole triggered in me, and that my first time stays so clear and vivid in my memories. So overwhelming, shattering, and beautiful.
When the water starts to get cold, I get out of the tub but ignore the towel Cole has laid out for me. Instead, I stand in front of the high mirror and look at my naked body.
Immediately, my eyes are drawn to my neck, where there’s a slight redness. I only vaguely remember Cole nibbling and sucking on my skin, but I know there was no pain. It didn’t hurt because I’ve been in a state of euphoria, so even this slightly rougher way of making my body into something that belongs to him felt good.
I avert my gaze from the redness on my neck and let it wander once from head to toe. My body remains the same, yet it seems as if it is radiating and pulsating. As if a glow surrounded it. As if Cole’s touch had brought it to life.
Until now, I never thought about whether I was beautiful. It wasn’t important to me, so I didn’t concern myself with it. But now I find myself wondering if Cole thinks I’m pretty.
I look at the soft swell of my breasts. At my belly and the gentle curve that forms my waist. I take in my hips, which are a little wider than my shoulders, and look between my legs. Contrary to Jules’s suggestion, I haven’t shaved. I don’t know if it bothered Cole, but I don’t care right now. Maybe someday I’ll ask him about it, but for now, I decide that everything is fine as it is.
