Everything inside me rebels and wants me to get as far away from her as possible becausenothingabout this is okay. But for Sophie’s sake, I force myself to relax.
"I thought I’d feel different afterward," she says eventually, lost in thought.
"And, do you?"
She shakes her head. "No. Not really."
Even though her words fail to lessen my self-loathing, I keep my voice calm and composed. "Is that a good or a bad thing?"
Sophie ponders as her fingers continue to stroke my chest, creating a stark contrast to the kind of touch I’ve known in the past few years.
It’s crazy how fundamentally opposite we are. She’s the light that sees only the good in everything, and I’m the darkness where there’s only hate, anger, and regret.
"I think it’s good. I like how I was before. I wouldn’t have wanted to feel any different now."
It fascinates me that she thinks that way because I have been denied that very feeling for years. I can’t remember a day when I didn’t despise myself for what I did. Yet I have to admit to myself that, at this very moment, I actually feel a sense of peace.
Milena is still there. Of course she is. She’ll never disappear, nor should she. Yet I feel a deep inner peace and… hope.
I realize that it’s not always about distinguishing between right and wrong. That sometimes, there might be no right or wrong at all because the cards are reshuffled over and over again. Every day we get the chance to decide differently. Every day is a new beginning, and it’s up to us which path we want to take.
It’s never too late to try.
Remembering Sophie’s words makes me smile. Despite her inexperience, she carries a wisdom that’s opened my eyes.
When my phone starts ringing, the sound makes me groan. "It’s Jules," I mutter, almost annoyed, as I reluctantly let go of Sophie. "She’s going to rip my head off if I ignore her."
Sophie nods and gets up to go to the bathroom while I roll over and reach for the smartphone on the nightstand.
As usual, Jules doesn’t let me get a word out as I take the call. "So? Did you fix it?"
Closing my eyes, I rub my fingers across my forehead. "Yes, I did."
"Good," she says sternly before her voice softens a bit. "Is everything else okay?"
Grimacing, I flat-out lie to her and immediately change the subject. "Everything’s fine. How about you? How’s Chicago?"
She lets out a contented grunt before answering. "Chicago is fucking big, and loud, and… I don’t know. Just different. But it’s also great to be here and finally meet everyone."
Hearing Jules like that calms me down significantly. She sounds happy, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for her. Still, I can’t stop my instincts from kicking in because she’s not near me. "When are you coming back?"
She thinks for a moment before continuing in an almost worried voice. "I think I’ll stay another week. Can you manage without me for that long?"
"Sure," I say with a grin. "We’ll be fine."
"Okay…" Jules drags out the word, pauses for a moment, and then continues. "How’s Sophie? Can I talk to her?"
Again, I scrunch up my face, reacting like a coward. "She’s in the bathroom right now, but she’s fine, too."
When I hear voices calling for Jules in the background, I almost breathe a sigh of relief.
Fuck. I’m really an asshole.
Jules puts a hand on the microphone and says something I don’t understand before speaking to me again. "I’ll get back to you later, okay? My little sister wants something."
The pride in her voice is unmistakable, so I say goodbye with a smile on my lips and then set the phone aside. At thesame moment, Sophie comes out of the bathroom as if she had only been waiting for me to end the call. She has a large towel wrapped around her hips, but only looks briefly at me before avoiding my gaze.
"I think we need to change the sheet," she says softly, but with clear discomfort in her voice.
