I’m about to shake my head when he kisses me again, silencing any protest.
Then I feel the pressure at my center.
I gasp for air and cling to Cole as he slowly enters me. The pressure grows into an ache that erupts in a brief sting. Another whimper escapes me because of the pain that rushes through me, but the sensation is gone so quickly that I forget about it almost immediately. Still, I can’t stop the single tear that trickles down my cheek while my body tenses, trying to get used to this new, overwhelming feeling.
Cole breaks our kiss and rests his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. "Are you okay?"
His voice sounds husky as he strokes my cheek with his thumb, and I feel his gaze on me. I want to tell him that everything is fine. That while all of this feels strange and hurts a little, there’s nothing I’d rather be doing right now than feeling him like this. I want to tell him that I’m okay and that there’s nothing he needs to be sorry for. But I just can’t manage it. I can’t get a word out, which is why I just nod silently, too overwhelmed by what I’m experiencing.
My answer seems to be enough for him, and when he puts his lips on mine again and slowly starts to move inside me, I feel more alive than I have ever before.
THIRTY-SIX
COLE
My head is empty. There isn’t a single clear thought left, and even though I know what I’m doing is fucking wrong, I can’t stop.
Sophie’s body shudders, trembles, and tenses under me as I kiss her and push into her with slow, careful thrusts. Her body grips me so tightly that I’m about to lose my mind, thinking I’m already in hell because holding myself back is pure torture.
When her muscles twitch more and more violently around me, I have to break the kiss and bury my face against the crook of her neck, where I moan her name softly.
Her fingernails dig into my shoulders as she arches her hips to meet my movements. Instinctively, her body begs for more, and the sounds escaping her soft lips tell me it’s pure lust that makes her cling to me like this.
With every minute that I move inside her in that controlled way, she presses herself more against me, until I surrender and quicken my movements. My thrusts get faster and harder until we’re both breathing heavily, and she whispers my name like a prayer. Her voice floods my entire being, and when her muscles close tightly around me and she moans loudly, I can’t hold back anymore either and come with her.
For a brief moment, nothing exists around us. There is only her and me. Just our bodies losing themselves in each other and becoming one for a small eternity. I’m dying inside her, and I don’t care. I don’t care that it was wrong, and I don’t care that I should never have let her decide because at that moment, there is no right or wrong. There’s just Sophie and me and the certainty that for the first time in years, I don’t feel like I’m just surviving.
While our hearts beat like crazy and our breaths come out way too fast, I lift my head and force myself to look at her. Her cheeks are flushed, her lips slightly parted, and her eyes closed, but her features are relaxed. I kiss her one last time before slowly pulling out of her and lying next to her. She immediately turns onto her side and curls up, snuggling against me.
I’ll take care of the condom later. There’s no way I’m leaving her alone now; I can’t bring myself to do that. She has just had what was likely the most profound experience of her life so far, and it feels wrong to get up now and leave her here as if she were just some meaningless hookup. So I put my arms around her and pull her gently against me, while I press my lips to her hair and breathe in her pure scent.
"You okay?" I ask again because I need to make sure she’s fine.
Sophie nods but says nothing. She must be exhausted, so I wait until her breathing is calm and deep before I carefully free myself from her grip and stand.
I pull the blanket over her body and look at her for another moment while my conscience rages because of what I just did.
Goddammit… She’s only been away from home for a week, experienced her first kiss just two days ago, and now I slept with her. But I don’t allow myself to have those thoughts. Not now. Not after it was so perfect. I don’t want to take this away from Sophie or myself, which is why I only go to the bathroom quicklyand out with Buster for a moment before I lie back down and wrap my arms around her again.
When Sophie awakes around noon, my right arm is numb, but I don’t give a fuck. I couldn’t and wouldn’t let go of her. I didn’t want her to wake up and think I’d left her alone or run off again like I did after our first kiss.
She blinks a few times until she realizes she’s draped half over me andwhythatis. Immediately, her cheeks flush, but I don’t let her move away from me. Instead, I search her gaze, paying attention to every little movement of her face.
"How do you feel?"
"Good, I think. It… just hurts a little."
Instantly, guilt overtakes me and forces me to my knees. Until just now, I could still pretend that all this wasn’t that dramatic. But now I can no longer deny what a piece of shit I am for having done this to her.
"Fuck… Darling…"
Now I’m the one who wants to move away from her, but Sophie wraps her arm around my waist and holds me tight.
"No, please. Stay here," she pleads, looking at me with begging eyes. "I’m fine. Really. You… warned me. I knew it could be like this."
Even though it’s damn hard for me, I return her gaze. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am," she replies, nodding, and then snuggles up to me again, drawing little circles on my bare chest with her fingertips.
