His words frustrate me because they only reinforce the feeling of not knowing anything. "How should I know?" I bring forth with a mixture of anger and despair. "How am I supposed to know what I’m talking about if no one lets me figure it out for myself?"
Cole’s fingers pause as his features become something resembling pain. He lowers his head and closes his eyes, inhaling and exhaling audibly, but saying nothing in return.
But then I get it. I understand why he rejects me, and the realization hits me like a flood of ice water while shame overcomes me.
"You… you don’t want me."
The feeling tightens my throat and stabs at my heart, which is why I close my eyes. For the first time in my life, I dared to speak up for myself and clearly demand what I desire, but Cole…doesn’t desire me.
I want to turn my head away, but his hand on my cheek stops me. "Don’t do that, darling."
Don’t pretend I’m wrong, I scream in my head, but the words don’t make it past my lips because I’m so ashamed, thinking Cole would want me the same way I want him.
"Look at me," he demands softly, his thumb brushing my cheek in small, gentle strokes.
Even though I don’t want to, I open my eyes to glance at him, and immediately, my breath catches. All of a sudden, his gaze practically devours me. It’s so intense that I almost shudder from its power.
"You have no idea how much I want you."
Dazed, I stare at him as his eyes blaze even more fiercely. "Then why are you rejecting me?"
"Because I want to protect you," he breathes. "I don’t want you to do anything you might not be ready for."
Confused, I shake my head, not understanding why he thinks that. "But Iwantyou."
I don’t care if I’ll regret it or if it’s too soon because I don’t even understand whattoo soonis supposed to mean. It doesn’t matter to me that I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next if Cole does… whatever it is he’s about to do. All I can think of is that I want him even though I have no idea what that means. I trust what my body and heart tell me. And both long for the man whose stormy-gray eyes seem to consume me whole.
"Please," I plead again, reaching for his T-shirt as if it were my only hope for salvation. "Make it stop."
His eyes darken as he furrows his brows even more, making me fear that he’s going to reject me again. But then a low groan comes out of his throat and makes me shudder. A soft, almost torturedfuckfollows, and he finally—finally—kisses me.
It’s not a gentle kiss. It’s not soft or careful, but wild and unrestrained. Cole leans over me as I lie on my back, clinging to him. He moans against my lips as his tongue touches mine, almost demanding, and I pull at his T-shirt, not knowing where I even want him. When I press myself against him, he kisses me even harder, literally devouring me until I become something that exists only for him.
As he pulls away from me after what felt like an eternity, a few frantic heartbeats pass before I open my eyes in what has to be a lustful daze. Cole kneels beside me and takes off his T-shirt, then looks down at me in silence.
Both our breaths come in ragged gasps as we look at each other until I let my gaze trail down his now bare upper body. Hard, unyielding muscles tremble beneath soft skin adorned with black ink. I look at each one of his tattoos. I see roses, birds, and skulls. Words in foreign languages. Images that tell stories I don’t know.Guilty. I see Cole, and he’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life.
My hand moves on its own. Gently, my fingertips stroke the ridges on his stomach, making him flinch and draw in a sharp breath. His skin radiates heat and is flawless, except for the fine line of hair that runs from his navel downward. I know exactly where this path would lead me, but I don’t dare look there yet. Before I would even have the chance to do so, Cole leans over me again, propping himself up with one arm beside my head and cupping my face with the other. When he kisses me, igniting a thousand little flames inside me, I close my eyes, stop thinking, and just feel.
At first, his lips only touch my mouth, but then they start to wander. They graze my chin, slide along my jaw, and pause briefly at the sensitive spot below my ear where they elicit a moan that feels forbidden.
Everything inside me is numb and burning at the same time, as if Cole has ignited dozens of fires within me. My skin heats as his fingers stroke from my cheek down the side of my neck. His hand slides over my shoulder and along my ribs until it reaches my stomach, where I feel his touch against the bare skin just beneath my top.
I’m trembling. My whole body shakes because it’s just too much. His fingers trace aimlessly across my belly, and it’s toomuch, too much,too much,and not nearly enough. I can’t take it, yet I crave more.
As Cole’s hand slides higher and higher and his fingertips suddenly graze the underside of my breast, I gasp and arch my back.
He stops kissing me to bring his lips to my ear, where his warm breath only makes me feel more headless.
"Do you want me to continue?"
His voice is so low and rough, I almost didn’t notice it. All I can think of ismore, more, more,whichis why I answer with a breathlessyes. My voice sounds unfamiliar even to me, but I don’t care. Nothing else matters, as long as Cole keeps touching me.
He hesitates briefly before his hand moves back down and reaches the waistband of my pants, kissing me once more. When I feel him undo the button of my pants, I hold my breath.
"Still?" Cole asks while breathing heavily, but my brain has stopped working. There’s only a thick fog of desire andyesandplease don’t stop, so all I manage is a nod.
Immediately, his lips are back on mine as his fingers pull down the zipper of my pants. I can feel the movement of the tiny metal slider abundantly clear through the fabric of my underwear. Everything about it feels strange but also good, andheavens… I don’t ever want him to stop.
