The question is, do I want to be a sperm donor, or do I want to be a dad––a father?
If I chose the former, that would mean I wouldn’t be with Maggy, which means we wouldn’t be a family. I wouldn’t be a partner or a husband.
Here’s the answer to all those questions…
I need it all. The entire package. I want tobe a family.
Question is, what does Maggy want? I suppose this means the two of us need to talk. Really talk.
* * *
“Nate.”Maggy says my name in a drowsy voice. She’s been nursing the baby, and now both of my girls are exhausted.
“Let me take her.” I reach out and pick her up as Maggy adjusts her nursing gown. Holding her close, I gaze down at the sleeping form. “She’s so beautiful.”
“She is.”
Kissing her cheek, I place her in her bassinet. Bending, I kiss the top of her head and gaze at her. “Goodnight, Brynn Elise.”
We both fell in love with the name Brynn after hearing it while watching a movie one night. As for her middle name, Elise? Well, that was Maggy’s mom’s name. And it fits.
“Nate?”
Looking over at her, I smile. “You need to sleep while the baby sleeps.”
“I will.” She pats the side of her bed. “We need to talk first.”
“Okay.” This is it. This is when I’ll get to tell her how I’m feeling. That I’ve changed my mind. I move closer and sit on the edge of her bed. Reaching out, I pick up her hand and hold it in mine. She wiggles it out and slides it beneath the blanket. She must be cold. Although it didn’t feel cold.
“What did you want to talk about?”
“Well.” She looks away from me, which is never a good sign. “I’ve been thinking.”
“Good.”Good?What kind of response is that?
“I’ve been thinking… um, I want to thank you for being here. For helping.”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t…?”
“But I think you should go.”
Go? What the…? “Go?”
“You’ve been very clear that you don’t want this.” She nods toward the bassinet. “I can’t deal with a new baby and a man who…”
“Who what?” I know my voice is cracking. It sounds a little angry too.
“Please let me finish.”
I remain mute.
“I can’t handle a new babyanda man who’s not sure he wants another baby.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“You’re not sure you want to be all in, Nate. It’d be easier for me to do it alone instead of expecting things from you. Things that maybe, you’re not ready to give.”
“Look… Maggy—”
