“Uh…”
“Get the fuck out!” And then, I scream. Louder than any of the other ones. Because I’m pretty sure this tiny precious baby just broke me in half.
Changing my mind because Robin went to get some coffee, but that was like hours ago, I say something I never thought I’d say. “Nate,” I cry, reaching for him. “Help me.”
“Where’s the doctor? A nurse?”
“I scared them all away, but… I need help.”
Rushing to my bedside, Nate presses all the buttons on my little remote thing. Finally, someone responds. “May I help you?”
“The baby is coming out. Right now!” I look down at Nate. He’s looking down at me. At the place where we made the baby and where it’s apparently coming out. “You need to get in here,now!
“I can’t fucking believe they left you in here alone.”
“Believe it.” I grumble as another pain hits me.
It’s also when my obstetrician decides to show up. “You ready?” she says in a very perky voice.
“She’s already done,” Nate deadpans. “So, no bill for her, right? Because she did it by herself?”
I’d laugh if the pain wasn’t excruciating.
Obviously ignoring Nate, the doctor lifts up my hospital gown and says, “Well, would you look at that?” She still sounds like everything is working out just the way she planned it. “Okay, I think we’re a go.”
I feel my legs being placed in the stirrups and my body sliding down a little bit. “I’m going to ask you to push on the count of three. Okay, Maggy?”
“Okay.” I feel someone take my right hand and someone else take my left hand. I look to my right first and see Robin. “Sorry” is all I say.
“No worries, darling girl. You’re almost done.”
I look left and see Nate holding my other hand. “Not sorry.”
I guess I’m funny when I’d rather die than push out his giant baby, because he laughs.
“No need to be sorry.”
“Okay. Here we go. One-two-three. Push.”
25
Nate
It’s a girl.A beautiful, healthy baby girl who weighed in at nine pounds, four ounces. I don’t think Maggy was expecting her to be quite that big. She was a trouper considering she endured fourteen hours of labor. But now she’s got a sweet daughter, as beautiful as her mama.
The question is, what do I do now?
I know I should have stayed away. I should have ignored Gus’s text message. But how could I? I still feel a connection to her that I can’t quite explain. No, I’m not talking about the baby connection. It’s something else. Something bigger than that. I can’t say whether or not it’s a romantic thing, although I am attracted to her that way.
Friendship. That’s how it feels when we spend time together: like she’s my friend. Except, people don’t treat their friends like I’ve treated her.
The truth is there isn’t a word to describe my feelings for Maggy. Complicated, sure. Simple. Yeah, that too.
The baby? Well, that’s another set of feelings altogether. Of course I love her. I always have. From the second I learned she was coming, my heart was already involved. I’m not a monster. When Aiden was born, I thought everything was perfect. My life was what I’d always wanted. I renamed my company the day after he was born to Black and Son Construction. I was so fucking proud to hang that new sign on my office and plaster it on all my equipment. When he died, I couldn’t bring myself to change it. It felt like a betrayal to do that. So, nearly six years later, it’s still there. A daily reminder of my loss. That may not be healthy, but it’s the way it has to be.
And now, I’ve got a baby girl. A baby girl I thought I could just walk away from—and never look back. Now, I’m not so sure.
Fuck. What am I saying? I’m standing right outside of the nursery gazing at her right now, and it’s obvious.Of course I can’t. She’s part of me.
