Chapter Nine
NOVA
After reading a book to Aurora, I stayed in bed with her, and now she’s reading me one. I notice that she keeps getting closer and closer, so I lean into her, getting the feeling that she wants to be cuddled.
With her, I'm trying to follow her lead. I don’t want to overwhelm her or come off pushy. I’m luring her in slowly like you would a cat. You can’t let them know how excited and happy you are to be getting their attention.
“You want to read another?” I ask as I gently play with her hair.
“Yes,” she says before letting out a giant yawn. I can tell her eyes are heavy and if she closes them for a few seconds she’s going to be out.
“Are you sure? I think you might be falling asleep on me.”
“Today’s been wonderful. I don’t want it to end.”
I want to squeeze her into a tight hug and tell her I’ll never go anywhere, but I can’t do that. I have no clue what my future here will be. One second I think Kellan doesn’t like me, and the next I think he can’t get enough of me.
“Sweetheart. I’ll be here in the morning,” I promise, because I can at least give her that.
“It’s nice having a girl around,” she says, tilting her head back to look up at me. She touches the end of my hair the same way I’m touching hers.
“Girl, I know. I was the one with four brothers, remember?” She giggles, and the sound is warm and sweet. “But I promise, I’ll be here in the morning, and we can start coming up with ideas for your room.” When I told her we could make some changes to her room, she almost burst with excitement.
She rolls toward me, and before I know what’s happening, she wraps an arm around me in a hug. I return it and place a kiss on the top of her head.
"See you in the morning," Aurora says when she releases me from her hug.
I tuck her in, making the blankets super tight, and she lets out another laugh before I fluff them back out.
"Good night, sweetheart," I tell her before I leave her room to head back toward mine.
I take my time on the way since my mind is still reeling from what happened today. What Kellan has done to me isn’t abnormal, I’m just not experienced in it. I find myself doing everything he requests without question. It’s not until I’m no longer near him that the reality of what I did in the dining room sinks in. I didn’t hate it; I just don’t understand what it means.
When I finally make it back to my room, I peek through the doorway that connects my room to Kellan’s. It’s quiet, but I want to see if he’s in there. Disappointment fills me when he’s not, so I make myself get ready for bed. I'm not going to wait in the doorway like I’m needy for his attention. Even if I am.
Once I change and get myself settled in for the night, I grab my phone and my book off my nightstand before crawling into bed. I try to read, but I keep reading the same page over again. I give up and toss it onto the bed next to me before grabbing my phone. I decide to do what I should have already done and google Kellan Eve.
I swipe through pictures first. His face is always stoic, his suits perfectly pressed, and not a hair out of place. I wonder if it gets exhausting to appear that way or if it’s simply his nature.
There are a lot of articles on him, but they are all about his work and a few about charities he donates to. I keep going through them and stop when I find one that gives a few details about his past. My heart aches when I read about him growing up in foster care. That links with the different charities he gives to. All have been centered around children.
My brothers drive me crazy, but I love them, and they love me. Kellan can be cold and harsh, but that’s what life has given him. Aurora and Kellan only have each other. When he lost his brother, he lost half of his family. I swipe at the tears that fall down my cheeks.
An urge to draw closer to him fills me, and it’s not just physically. I want to touch the colder part of him and show him and Aurora the warmth and love that a family can have. It’s the one thing you can’t buy or force to work. Not if you want it to be real.
Turning off the lamp next to my bed, I roll on my side and keep reading anything I can find about Kellan. The man is brilliant and very driven. If he puts his mind to anything, he makes it happen. I shamelessly keep trying to find something about his romantic life, but I don't think he'd share that. The more I think about it, he's really not romantic at all.
Like a naïve dummy, it hits me. This isn't romantic. All the things he said in his office come flooding back to me, and now they all have a different meaning. This is his sexual release.
I sit up in the bed, turning the lamp back on, and glance around this room. Is this the room he keeps his women in? Is this what he uses it for? My stomach tightens. That’s terrible, but Kellan didn’t make me any promises. In his office, it was clear that this was a job that included taking care of his needs. He implied that he’d pay me for those under the table, and clearly it has nothing to do with cleaning or running errands for him.
I won't lie to myself and say I didn't enjoy it. It was thrilling, and I experienced a sexual awakening within me that I didn't know existed. What I need to do is pull my feelings out of it. This isn't romantic, and I need to put those thoughts and possibilities away and shut them down completely.
I'm here to take care of Aurora and now Kellan, too. I can do that. I can learn about sex with Kellan. This is my chance to do that without fumbling around with a random man.
This can totally work for all of us.
At least, that’s what I’m going to tell myself.
