I didn’t want to think about the reasons we shouldn’t get involved. I convinced myself we could have sex and it wouldn’t matter, but that was a lie. My feelings for Mira are wholly different from anything I’ve had with anyone else. The pain and wrongness of leaving her is killing me. I want to crawl back and beg her to forgive me for being such a dick, but there’s a reason I freaked out and ran.
After Anna, I’m not worthy of any woman.
I came to Tahoe thinking Mira was the one who needed to change. But Mira is trying to save her mom, she’s giving her best friend space to be with the girl he loves, though it kills her, and she’s staying away from the Sallees to protect them from the trouble she’s in. Mira is the altruist. She is everything I thought she was when I first got to know her, and nothing I believed of her when I ran from this town six years ago.
I blink at the house in front of me. I’ve managed to drive to Phil’s on autopilot. I shot him a text as soon as I left Mira, but I haven’t checked to see if he received it. I considered going to Jaeg’s, but Cali is there. She’ll skewer my ass for walking out on Mira; Cali’s very protective of her fellow women. At the moment, I don’t blame her.
I step out of the car and knock on Phil’s front door, scrubbing a hand down my face.
Phil answers, takes one look at me, and opens the door wide, letting me in. “That bad, huh?”
Phil’s live-in girlfriend, I discover, is out on a girls’ night. It’s just us, and instead of our usual beers, he tries to give me a shot of tequila.
I shake my head. “No, man.”
“Dude, what’s gotten into you? I’ve never seen you like this.”
I clasp my hands between my knees, legs spread wide on the couch across from him. “You remember that girl I told you about before I left town?”
Phil takes his shot and sits on the small couch next to me. “Yeah, you said she dumped you, but you didn’t have a girlfriend in high school, so that made no sense. And you wouldn’t tell me who she was.”
“I’m living with her.” I stare at Phil, waiting for recognition.
He sits forward. “This Mira chick is the one who fucked you up?”
I nod, framing my forehead with the tips of my fingers.
“I thought you decided to get her out of your place?”
“It’s not my place, but yeah, I tried. It didn’t work. I—we…”
After a long pause, Phil says, “You screwed her?”
I raise my head. “Dude, that’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.”
Phil holds up his hands. “Whoa, she’s your girlfriend now? What are you doing, man?”
My head falls back into my hands. “I don’t know, but I think I just ruined everything.”
Phil proceeds to tell me to forget about Mira. To get her out of my system. Hook up with someone else. I tried all that after I left Tahoe the first time. It didn’t work. And honestly, I don’t have the energy to fight this anymore. I’m not sure I deserve Mira, but I’m tired of walking away from her.
I stand abruptly. “I gotta go.”
Phil stands too. “What? You can’t go back. She’ll ruin you. Look at what she’s already done.” I glare at him, and his face eases. “She means that much?”
I sigh as the heavy pressure in my chest escapes. “Yeah.”
We argue, she’s feisty, but Mira and I are connected in a way I’ve never been with anyone else. I see her, and I’m amazed by the person she is.
She means everything. I don’t know how I could have been such a blind ass that I didn’t realize it.
Mira
I live with the fear of people leaving me. My mom’s abandonment when I was three had that effect. Yet when Tyler left me naked—emotionally, physically—there is no description for the hollow pain in my chest, or for how utterly pissed I am.
After I uncurled from the fetal position on his bed and gathered my clothes, I hobbled my way down the ladder to my bedroom, where I dressed and packed an overnight bag. I can’t live with Tyler. We just end up hurting each other.
I pull up to Lewis’s place a half hour later, and Gen’s car is in the driveway beside Lewis’s truck. The lights are on inside the house. I hate the idea of intruding on them, but I need a place to crash. And I’d actually like to talk to Gen. It’s why I came here instead of Zach’s.
