“A distraction?” she finishes.
I blink at her. “You heard?”
“Pretty sure he said the same thing about Dev. Or something about him being unworthy.” She exhales through her nose. “He really doesn’t hold back, does he?”
“Nope.”
She leans her head back against the cabinet. “You gonna listen to him?”
“I don’t know,” I admit. “I used to think I could just get through college, take the job, suck it up, and let it all happen around me.”
“And now?”
“Now it feels like I’m fading.”
Cece’s quiet for a long moment. “You talked about telling Luna how you feel. What’s stopping you?”
I stare down at the coffee in my hands. “She didn’t say anything after the video. Didn’t reach out.”
“Neither did you.”
I glance at her. She’s being honest, not harsh. That’s my sister, through and through. Never pulls her punches.
“Maybe I thought she didn’t want to be involved with me anymore,” I say. “All I’ve brought to her life is disappointmentand family drama. She’s got so much ahead of her. I’d just end up dragging her down.”
Cece nods. “But did you tell her that? Or did you just sit here on the kitchen floor waiting for her to read your mind?”
“Ouch.”
“You know I’m right, Beau. I’m always right, remember?” She winks at me, bringing a little more lightness to the air.
“Really? You want me to list all the times you were wrong, Sissy? Because it’s all up here.” I snort, tapping the side of my head, but she just stares at me. The smile slips off my face, and I study the blue veins standing out on the back of my hands. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
“That’s part of your problem. You think you can fix everything. And the things you can’t fix, you hide away deep in that brain of yours. That’s not okay. You’re going to implode one day. And I can’t let you disappear into the woods to live off the grid for the rest of your life. I kinda need you around. Take the attention off me, you know?”
She’s right, but it’s a hard truth to admit. “I’m not going to disappear. Even if I tried, you’d find me, drag me out of my peaceful cabin, and throw me in a group chat.”
“That’s right, I would. Listen to me carefully now, Beau. The only person you can fix is yourself. You don’t fix other people. You show up. You say the thing. You try. And you work on your own issues. That’s the most important part.”
I look at her. She’s still got charcoal smudges on her knuckles from whatever she was working on before this. Her messy hair is falling out of its braid, and my fingers itch to grab her a brush. There’s a hole in the sleeve of her well-worn sweatshirt. Cece has it figured out. She’s living her life on her own terms. Not letting our family or her issues control her.
“You always make it sound so easy.”
“It’s not,” she says. “But neither is hating yourself for doing nothing.”
I nod. It’s the only thing I can manage. Then, without warning, I say, “I started therapy.”
Cece turns to me so fast her braid smacks my arm. “What?”
I shrug. “Went to student health. Filled out the paperwork, and then I had my first online session a couple days ago.”
Her eyes shine. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know if I’d stick with it.”
“You better damn well stick with it. I need you around, and I have a feeling that if you don’t get your head right, you’ll solidify into a block of ice. Kind of like someone else we know.”
“I thought you said I was going to implode.”
