My stomach sank. I’d been hoping for something shorter, like a few hours of hard work followed by a hot shower and painkillers.
“I’m guessing I need to come along?” I tried to keep my voice casual, but Cole saw right through it.
The corner of his mouth twitched. Not quite a smile, but close. “What’s the matter, city boy? Afraid of a little saddle sore?”
“More like terrified of three days of it,” I admitted. “I haven’t been on a horse in fifteen years.”
Cole actually chuckled at that, the sound startling me. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d heard him laugh, even a little.
“Well, you’re about to get reacquainted. We head out at dawn.” He turned to leave, then paused. “Pack warm. Nights get cold up there this time of year.”
As he walked away, I fought the urge to call after him with some excuse about needing to stay behind to set up the freezer. But I knew better. This was part of ranch life, the part I’d conveniently forgotten during my years in Seattle. If I was going to make this work, I needed to pull my weight in all aspects of the operation, not just the business side.
“Hey, Cole,” I called out instead.
He stopped, looking back over his shoulder.
“Thanks for letting me try this,” I said, gesturing toward the freezer. “I know it wasn’t an easy call.”
Something flickered across his face… surprise, maybe, or confusion at the sincerity in my voice. For a moment, the wall between us seemed just a little thinner.
“Don’t thank me yet,” he replied gruffly. “Still gotta see if it works.”
With that, he strode out of the barn, leaving me alone with our humming investment. I ran my hand along the cool metal surface, hope and anxiety mingling in my gut. This had to work. Not just for the ranch, but for me and Cole too. I needed to prove that I wasn’t the same selfish kid who’d run away all those years ago.
The freezer continued its steady hum, the sound oddly comforting in the quiet barn. Tomorrow we’d bring the cattle down, and then the real work would begin. Sorting out the ones to be processed, transporting them to the butcher, turning the website on at last, and building a customer base from scratch. It was daunting, but for the first time in weeks, I felt a flicker of genuine excitement.
Cole might not believe in this plan yet, but I did. And somehow, I was going to make him believe too. Not just in the business, but in me.
I gave the freezer one last pat before heading back to the house. I had packing to do and a long ride to prepare for. The hardest part wasn’t going to be the cattle drive, I realized. It was going to be convincing Cole that we could actually pull this off together.
I was halfway to the house when I heard the sound of hooves pounding across the pasture. Cole was already on horseback, his silhouette cutting a sharp figure against the setting sun as he galloped toward the eastern pasture. Even from this distance, I could see the easy way he moved with his horse, like they were a single entity. He’d always been a natural in the saddle, even as a kid.
My stomach twisted with a familiar mix of admiration and envy. Would I ever look that comfortable on a horse again? Or would I just embarrass myself in front of the ranch hands, confirming every suspicion they had that I was just a city boy playing cowboy?
“Better get some rest,” Evelyn called from the porch as I approached. “Dawn comes mighty early when you’re dreading it.”
I gave her a weak smile. “That obvious, huh?”
“Written all over your face, honey.” She handed me a mug as I climbed the steps. “Hot chocolate. Just like I used to make when you were little.”
The gesture nearly undid me. I took the mug, my throat suddenly tight. “Thanks, Evelyn.”
“You’ll do fine tomorrow,” she said, patting my arm. “It’s like riding a bike. Your body remembers even if your brain’s forgotten.”
I wasn’t so sure about that, but I nodded anyway. “I hope you’re right. Otherwise, Cole’s going to have a field day watching me fall on my ass.”
“That boy’s got his own demons to worry about,” she replied cryptically. “Don’t you worry about what he thinks.”
I wanted to ask her what she meant, but she was already heading back inside, leaving me to wonder what Cole Nelson could possibly be struggling with besides his perpetual bad mood and my unwelcome presence in his life.
In my room, I dug through my closet for the warmest clothes I owned, which wasn’t saying much. Most of my Seattle wardrobe wasn’t designed for Montana mountain nights in late October. I found an old fleece buried in the back, a piece I’d probably left behind all those years ago. It got tossed onto the growing pile on my bed.
As I packed, my mind kept circling back to Cole. To the way he’d almost laughed in the barn. To the fact that he was actually going along with my freezer idea, even if he was skeptical. It felt like progress, however small.
Despite all that, his stoic persona still made me feel like the same little kid that I’d always been to him. I was always tagging along, getting in the way, and being a general nuisance. But just like I was reminded tonight as I watched him ride off, I’d always admired Cole and his strength. I just never knew how to express it to him.
Maybe that’s why I ended up gay. Raised without a father, then when I finally got other men in my life, I was always searching for their attention and never getting what I needed. Was it just a classicdaddy issuessort of situation? Then again, looking back on some of my memories, I had a feeling I’d just always been that way. And there was a very brief time in our youths where Cole and I were interested in the same things and spent a lot of time together. Then Mom died and everything changed.
