My sessions with Dr. Grant were eye-opening. Would I always walk out of her office feeling emotionally flayed? I had allowed myself to become more vulnerable to her gentle proddings. Shechallenged me with strategically placed notions before sitting back and allowing me to come to my own reasonings.
Everything she said made sense—from my inability to entertain a permanent relationship; the restlessness I felt living in a town I was yet to feel at home in; and my desire to recapture the intimacy I had with Hannah in not-so-healthy ways.
I had yet to mention Maria. Although there hadn't really been an opening; and at three sessions in, it wasn't unreasonable that her name hadn't been brought up. I wasn't sure if it ever would. She could forever be known as the girl I let slip through my fingers. I rubbed my chest at the thought.
Someone jostled my side and a little of my beer spilled on my shoes. The bar had started to fill up while I was deep in my feelings. Who knew I would be here? Thirty-five and embracing therapy.
I reluctantly moved out of the way and started making the rounds. I was a social guy and had no problem making conversation or walking up to someone and introducing myself. Maybe it was the occasion or the fact that the DJ hadn't moved on from 70's disco-era music, but I just couldn't get my social battery going.
Everyone was nice enough. The whole town of New Haven was a walking testament to small-town hospitality. It had a homely feel, and a strong sense of community that couldn't always be mimicked in larger cities. They made newcomers, like I’d been, feel welcome and included.
So why do I not feel at home here?
Maria had zeroed in on it from the moment we met. I could hear her husky laugh when she spied my look of surprise and worry of offending by not being completely won over by small-town charm. Diane and Sarah hadn't caught onto my discontentment, yet Maria had my number from the start.
Maybe I needed to start participating in town events. There weren't many to throw myself into apart from the annual fair, but I could volunteer on the day or something. I could start making friends with people other than the ones I worked with and Sofia; the woman I used to sleep with. They all had their cliques, so making new friends as an adult was no easy feat. The only people I could count on were Sarah and Diane; but given the radio silence from both ends, I couldn't fully rely on their support right now.
"Hey, you. You know you're at a party, right?"
I smiled at the familiar teasing voice. Speaking of the woman I used to sleep with...
"Where's your shadow?" I quipped, knocking my glass against hers. "I'm surprised he's let you out of his sight."
I’d seen Simon briefly when I arrived, but he’d been too busy chatting with an older couple.
Sofia rolled her eyes. "He's not that bad," she mumbled.
He was.
She peered at me over the rim of her glass as she took a sip of some fruity concoction. Eden had curated an engagement drinks menu, and gave them on-the-nose names likeMint-to-Be MojitoorBe Mine Wine. Sweet drinks gave me a heck of a hangover, so I stuck to beer.
I shifted uncomfortably under Sofia's piercing stare. "What?" I finally asked, feeling like a specimen under her microscope.
Her mouth twisted down, eyes softening. "How are you? I didn't get a chance to talk to you properly the other night."
I nodded, then shrugged, suddenly finding my glass fascinating. "Yeah, I'm doing good."
She tilted her head, not letting it go. "You seemed a bit subdued the other night. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."
Sofia and I didn't do personal. When we'd been sleeping together, we kept things light and casual. No heavy topics. No prying into personal problems or wondering why the other was subdued. Apart from our first date, when I disclosed to her about Hannah, we didn't talk about my late wife. I wasn't about to start now.
I liked Sofia. Our relationship had naturally progressed into a new type of friendship; one that still had boundaries, given our past. I knew she was being a concerned friend but there was only one woman I wanted to confide in.
I winced when the familiar sound ofABBAblared through the speaker. Even if I wanted to pour my heart out, now wasn’t the right time.
"Just work stress," I evaded, hoping she would take the hint. "Nothing major, just been tired a lot."
Luckily, she seemed to buy it. "Well, just FYI, Eden has it in her head that you'll be the perfect guy for one of her friends."
My stomach dipped. "Oh?"
She nodded and leaned her head closer. "You heard of Mila Mills?"
I flicked a brow up at the name. Everyone had heard of Mila Mills. She was a gorgeous supermodel whose face seemed to be on everything these days. Any red-blooded, straight male would jump at the chance to be with her.
But she didn't entice the same desire I felt at the thought of a complicated, beautiful, soulful-eyed local girl who’d wrapped herself around me.
"Well, she's supposed to be here tonight," Sofia continued excitedly, mistaking my silence as interest. "Eden wants to introduce you two. She said that Mila specifically asked for a hot, hardworking, honest man –"
