Fuck.
The conversation with Diane had been going so well—better than I ever anticipated—that I stupidly forgot to listen out for Sarah's return.
"Sarah –" I went to stand up, my hands splayed out to her in a calming gesture.
"So,nowyou're ready to move on?" she spat out. "And grief counseling?" She gave a harsh laugh as she shook her head. "Don't you think you had enoughcomfortfor your grief after Han's died?"
A trickle of unease slid down my spine. "What do you mean?"
She angrily brushed away an errant tear.
Diane stood and paced towards her. "Sarah, please –"
"You think I don't know that you've been fucking anything that moves before Hannah's body was cold in the ground?"
I stumbled back at her words and felt the blood drain from my face. I stared at her in dismay, my mouth flapping like a dying fish. I wanted to refute her claims, but I knew I couldn't.
"Oh, yeah, youreallymissed my sister," she sneered. "Tell me, how long did you actually wait before you started fucking the first girl? A month? A week?"
Diane gasped, and my stomach plummeted at the sound. I couldn't bear to look at her, to see the betrayal and hurt written all over her face.
"You're a real fucking hypocrite, pretending that you're suffering. You disgust me!"
With that, she whirled and stormed out of the room. Her footsteps pounded up the stairs, and I flinched when a door violently slammed.
The silence that followed her exit was raw with charged emotion. Shame and regret on my end. Probably anger and disgust on Diane's.
She made the first move. "I need to check on her," she murmured as she strolled stiffly to leave.
"Di-Diane," I croaked. "I can explain." But how could I when I couldn't even explain my actions to myself?
She simply held up her hand to stop my flow. "I need to talk to Sarah first." She still refused to look at me. "I'll text you Dr. Grant's details. She does group sessions but takes on private counsel."
"Diane, please, I –"
She shook her head as she finally turned. My gut clenched as I took in her red-rimmed eyes. She sent me a reassuring, if not shaky, smile.
"Brian. I understand more than you think, and we'll chat about it one day. But right now, I need to make sure my daughter is okay. Thank you for coming over."
With those parting words of dismissal, she left me alone.
Taking the hint that I should leave before Sarah composed herself, I made my way to the door on legs that felt hollow.
Chapter 25
Brian
Sarah:Hi, Brian. I guess I'm the last person you want to hear from. To be honest, I don't really want to talk to you, either. I don't want it to be this way!!! I know I completely overstepped, but I'm incredibly hurt that you tarnished the memory of my sister - YOUR WIFE!!! - by fucking random women. Do you know how hard it was for me to bite my tongue around you? You weren't faithful to the memory of Hans which makes me wonder if you were faithful to her while she was alive! Well??? Were you?!
Sarah:I didn't mean that last message. I know you were loyal to her. It just hurts so much to know that you took all those sluts to your bed without feeling guilty. Without considering how I feel!!! I know youwere probably lonely, and I can understand that! But, Brian, why didn't you tell me you felt that way? I'm lonely without my sister, too. It hurts that you didn't trust me enough to lean on me and confide how you really feel.
My therapist's septum ring looked like boogers.
I barely noticed it the last time I was here—after all, it had been our first session, and my nerves were distracting me by wreaking havoc in my stomach.
I didn’t know what to expect when I strolled into Dr. Grant's white and gray office. I definitely hadn't expected her to be in her late thirties to early forties. I definitely didn't envision her to have tattoos on her fingers. Definitely didn't anticipate the heavy, Long Island drawl.
But apart from those distinguishing takeaways, everything else about that first session had been a whirlwind blur. I could barely recall the drive to her office, let alone what she’d been wearing.
