But then, at almost 9:30 PM, the chance for privacy finally came when Sarah's phone rang with a call she needed to take. I released a tense breath, and if I could fist pump the air, I would.
As soon as she retreated, I wasted no time jumping straight in.
"Diane, I need to talk to you. While Sarah's stepped out," I added, my voice low.
"Oh, of course." Her eyes flickered to the door Sarah disappeared through before placing her mug down. "Tell me," she invited. Her eyes were soft and held an understanding wisdom in them.
"Diane," I started before taking a shuddering breath. "You know I loved Hannah. She was my whole world." I paused again, a clog of emotion stuck in my throat.
What I said was true. I loved Hannah, and a part of me always would. But when I thought of Maria, the heartache and miserable solitude vanished. I felt alive again. I had been a fool to try to lump her in with everyone else.
Diane gave me a sad, perceptive smile. "You've met someone."
My mouth fell open as a wave of surprise flooded me. Compassion and understanding glimmered in her eyes as she held my gaze.
"How did you guess?"
She picked her mug back up and held it close. "Well, honestly, I anticipated this would happen at some point." She waved her hand towards me in a sweeping gesture."You're young and handsome. A hard worker and kind. You're not meant to be alone.Idon't want you to be alone. You have too much love to give."
She paused, and her chin quivered. "You were still grieving so heavily for Hannah that I stopped thinking about it. But then...the last few months, you've been a bit distant."
I ran a hand down my face, ashamed she had picked up on that. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be."
"No, I know. It's a difficult situation to balance." She patted her hair before taking a small sip of her coffee. She regarded me over the rim. "So, come on, tell me. What's she like?"
Visions of Maria's beautiful face floated to mind, and I couldn't help the drippy smile that climbed my mouth.
What was she like?
Beautiful. Feisty. Strong. Independent. Self-assured. Confident. Hardworking. Funny. Ties my heart up in knots. Knows her self-worth.
Not mine.
Just as quickly as the smile formed, it faded at the memory of how I treated her. Like she was just another woman I temporarily filled my loneliness with.
"Well...the thing is, I took her on a few dates. They were great dates. Amazing, even. But my...grief got the better of me, and I may have fumbled her." Heat climbed my neck at that understatement. All those wonderful attributes Diane had bestowed on me felt false.
Diane tilted her head. "Your grief? You mean your guilt?"
I blew my breath out. Maybe I should pay Diane to psychoanalyze me. She seemed to be spot on. "Both." I dropped my gaze from hers as I considered how to word my subsequent request.
"Telling you about her was only part of what I wanted to say."
Her brow raised quizzically, so I continued. "I remember you telling me about the grief counseling you had when Frank and Hannah died. Wo-would you please pass the details on to me? Even if things don't work out with her, I think I could really benefit from it."
Diane's eyes lit up with approval, and she leaned forward to place her mug back on the table. "Oh, of course, I would be delighted to." She immediately grabbed her phone and started going through it. "Brian, I'm so happy you're open and ready for it now," she praised.
I rubbed the back of my neck. "Yeah, I should've done it when you suggested it, but..."
She shook her head. "You need to be ready for it. You were stuck in your memories of Hannah and perhaps content with that. Now that you're taking those steps to move on, I'm so happy you're seeking professional help."
"Yeah. I will always love Hannah, but –"
"Bullfucking shit!"
We both turned in shock at that eruption.
Sarah framed the doorway, an enraged look on her red face. Her hands were clenched by her sides as she pierced me with a stare laced in betrayal and anger. I had never seen her this upset. Especially at me.
