My footsteps faltered, and my stomach clenched in shock.
Sofia gave a loud sigh as she moved to shove past him. Instead, he stepped in front of her.
"Move."
That I heard clearly. I would've intervened. I wasn't completely heartless in leaving a woman vulnerable to a man's advances.
Except I heard the inflection in Sofia's voice. The half-hearted tone that a woman of the world, like myself, knew how to use against a man I was attracted to but enjoyed playing a practiced game of cat and mouse with. There was no real venom or panic in her voice.
My stomach plunged further when Simon lifted his hand to briefly stroke down her cheek before he straightened away. "You're so beautiful."
I bit my lip to keep from wobbling and slowly retreated to my apartment. I softly closed the door and leaned my forehead against it.
Simon's tone was gentle. Revered. He'd never spoken to me that way before. He'd never called me beautiful, either. In fact, all his endearments were reserved for bed.
"Fuck, your ass is incredible."
"Fuck, your pussy's so tight."
"Fuck, you have the best tits."
A knock on my door had me jumping back.
Simon.
He finally managed to pull away from beautiful Sofia for a piece of ass, I thought bitterly.
Another knock sounded, and I wanted to tell him to fuck off.
But then he might ghost me again, like the last time he chastised me for being too clingy and saying he needed his space. That silent period had me tearing my hair out. I did everything I could to entice him back to me. And it worked.
Until the next time.
So I swiped my finger under my eye, steeled my shoulders back, and placed what I hoped was a sultry smile back on my face. I put my hand on the doorknob and took a shaky breath.
Showtime.
"Did you love Simon?"
Wow. Straight to the point. But then again, that's what I liked about Dr. Anna. She was a straight shooter. Yes, she asked the clichéd"and how did that make you feel"questions, but she was also intuitive to my underlying issues and adapted to meet my mood. If she knew I was being evasive, she'd change the subject to focus on another facet of my trauma before circling back to draw out the original line of questioning that I'd danced around. I learned quickly that there was no point innotbeing completely vulnerable and open in therapy. Dr. Anna could smell bullshit a mile away, and all roads led back to Rome. Plus, at one hundred and eighty-five a session, I couldn't affordnotto lay my cards on the table. I was here to improve myself, after all.
I twisted my mouth as I thought of an answer. The truth was, as soon as things with Simon ended—once he fucked my nowex-best friend—I’d shoved him to the dark corners of my mind. I didn't dare examine my faltering feelings for him because, by the time the end was near, I was fucking fatigued. I was so damn tired of chasing after him and trying to figure out what his one-worded texts meant. Sick of dropping hints about where our non-relationship was going. I was sick of putting out when I wasn't in the mood because I thought the payoff afterward would be worth it. It never was.
"A part of me did," I slowly replied. "I mean, I'd been with him on and off since I was seventeen."
Sexually, of course. Not in a committed relationship. We spent a summer together fucking frantically as horny teens tended to do. Then he went off to college, and that was that; until years later when he moved back to Helensville and started showing up around town sporadically when he visited his family. Eventually, we restarted our sexual liaison, and I fell headlong into an unhealthy attachment to him. I thought for sure I'd be sporting a ring in the not-too-distant future.
Dr. Anna observed the myriad of emotions that played out on my face. Sadness. Hurt. Embarrassment.
"Tell me what you're thinking," she encouraged.
I blew my breath out. "Resentment. Anger."
"About?"
I rolled my lips in and contemplated how to answer her question without sounding like a bitter bitch. Because I definitely was one when it came to Simon and Sofia.
"In less than a year, Sofia managed to achieve what I had failed to do since I was seventeen. And shehatedhim." I shook my head as I attempted to get a hold of my simmering emotions. "I keep wondering what I did wrong. Was I too clingy? Too slutty? Too bitchy? No," I shook my head, "that can't be right because Sofia was a massive bitch to Simon, and yet he couldn't keep away. I've done the play-hard-to-get card and the eager-to-please card, yet I'm still overlooked. I'm treated like trash, just like my –" I stopped myself and took a deep breath as I rolled my words back in. I could feel the tempestuous flush on my face, so I sank back onto the couch, folding my arms protectively.
