I jolted when Diane touched my elbow. "Brian. You should read the letter."
Chapter 43
Brian
Sarah opened the door on the first knock. Well, the first bang more like it. Her red-rimmed eyes greeted me. I was unmoved. “Brian –”
“Where’s the letter?” I demanded, holding my hand out.
“Wha-what?” She stepped back, her hand still on the door.
“The second letter that Hannah wrote to me when she was sick. Diane told me about it. Where’s the fucking letter?”
Her face paled, and she shook her head.
”Where is it?” I growled.
Sarah’s mouth tightened, and a shutter of defiance came over her face. Her chin lifted, and we were caught in a brief stare-off. What if she didn’t even have the letter anymore? It was a possibility I hadn’t considered.
Finally, she broke eye contact. Her glower raked me up and down before she whirled and stormed off with an annoyed puff. She’d only been gone a minute before she returned andproduced an envelope. The seal had been torn open, and the words:“For my husband’s eyes only”were written on the flap.
I had to force my breathing to slow down. “How dare you keep this from me.”
Her chin lifted again.“Hannah told me to give it to you when she thought you were ready –”
“Don’t feed me that bullshit. Diane already told me that Hannah wanted it to be given to me six months after her funeral. You had no right to keep this from me.”
Sarah rolled her eyes. Who was this girl? I felt like I never knew her. To do something so cruel to someone she claimed to love was unfathomable.
“So, what, you gonna forget about Hannah, too, the way mom forgot about dad? You’re both hypocrites. I heard you tell Hans just before she took her last breath that you’d love her forever. Clearly, that was a lie.”
It wasn’t a lie. A part of me would always love Hannah and cherish our time together. But I also knew it was possible to have a second chance at love. That it was possible to love someone else deeply and powerfully. Maria had already started to set up camp in my heart around the time I walked into that café on a rainy Tuesday. And she’d never left, only encroaching on the rest of my soul.
I could tell Sarah that. I could explain to her about second chances, falling in love again, and how her sister would always have a place with me. But she lost the right to explanations and sweet placates.
I shook my head. “Sarah, you need help. I hope you’ll take your mom up on the offer just like I did.”
She scoffed but otherwise remained silent.
“As for me and you? Maybe one day I can forgive you for keeping these letters from me or for how you treated Maria, butthat day isn’t happening for a fucking long time. Stay away from me, and stay away from Maria.”
Sarah’s choked sobs followed me as I walked away. I didn’t turn around. I simply hopped in my car and drove the next block over. With a shaky hand, I turned on the overhead light, uncaring if people could see me having a possible breakdown in my car.
My Dearest Husband,
I know you said multiple times that you wish you could take my place, but the truth is, I don’t think I could cope if I lost you before your time. And you do have so much more time left. Please do not waste it! For me.
I know your grief is painful, and I wish I could absorb that sadness and take it away. But please, my love, please do not stop living. Live with me and live for me.
Love again.
Yes,loveagain. I know you will struggle with this, but when the time is right (and you’ll know when you meet her), please open your heart—and tell her that she’s the luckiest girl in the world to be loved by you.
My darling, you made so many sacrifices for me and my family. Now, it’s time for you to be selfish. I’m so sorry for reneging on my promise to move out of New Haven. I guess everything happens for a reason, and I’m thankful I got to live out my final moments in New Haven, at home with you, my mom, and Sarah.
But please don’t stay here just because this is where my physical body lies. I know you love New York, and I can just picture you staying here to be “near” me.
But I’m not here anymore.
