Considering I knew just how overprotective Diane was over her babies, I instantly knew what her reaction had been.
"Well, I refused to hear a word of it," Diane continued, confirming what I already knew. Her face colored, and she twisted her hands in her lap. "Sarah denied it, and I believed her, of course. But I still asked the Principal not to suspend Maria. It was just a playground tiff, after all. Maria got detention for a week. I thought I was being generous."
This time, I couldn't hide my disdain. I understood that you wanted to think the best of your kid and that you'd never think the child you raised would behave this way. But it hadn't been some baseless accusation made by a child. A teacher had stepped forward to defend Maria. I had a feeling that was the main reason Diane asked for leniency for Maria. Some part of her knew that her daughter was hiding the truth.
Diane shook her head, her face now lined in anger. "Later that night, I overheard Sarah on the phone with her friends, laughing. She was saying some horrible things about Maria;things I couldn't believe were coming out of her mouth. That's when I knew there was probably some truth to the bullying allegations. I made the wrong choice and chose to protect my daughter instead of disciplining her."
I shook my head, appalled at what I was hearing. I tried to see it from her point of view. I wasn't a parent, so I had no idea how I would react in a similar circumstance. I would like to think that I'd rain down on my child with tough love, ground them for a few weeks, and make them apologize to their victim.
Diane threw her hands in the air. "I know I should have done more, but I thought it was just one of those things kids go through and get over."
My mouth tightened, and a searing anger pierced my stomach. I wasn't going to break Maria's confidence in what she went through and how it affected her, so I held back from exploding on Diane. I knew firsthand how much words and actions hurt other people. And stayed with them for a long time.
"When Sarah's boyfriend at the time cheated, and I found out who he'd done it with, I didn't push back when Sarah wanted to switch schools. She was humiliated. So instead of forcing Sarah to suck it up, I caved and allowed her to move."
She sighed and rubbed at the spot between her eyes. "In hindsight, I should have forced Sarah to stay, to support her as much as possible, and perhaps have her apologize for her past behavior."
Diane's gaze drifted to a school photo of Sarah and Hannah, a small smile ghosted her lips. "She was always our strong-headed child. She was a surprise baby and we knew she would be our last, so we spoiled her and let her get away with things that Hannah didn't."
She turned back to me, watching me with a cautious light in her eye. "The comment she made that night…about the women you had slept with after Hannah passed –"
"I'm sorry it came out that way. I can't say I was planning on telling you because I wasn't, but Iwasready to tell you about Maria. Unfortunately, I don't think Sarah's ready to hear about me dating again, and she definitely won't be now that she knows it's with Maria." I shook my head. Although I didn't feel the same shame I used to over my actions, I still wanted to explain.
Diane pursed her lips, and her perceptive gaze dropped from mine. I braced myself for Diane to ream me out for disrespecting her daughter. Instead, what she revealed next shocked me.
"Brian, when I told you that I understood more than you know, I meant that." Her eyes filled with tears, and she took a shuddering breath.
"About eight months after Frank's death, I met another widower at a support group. He was only a few years older than me and had lost his wife a year prior. I…I fell for him rather quickly." Red painted her cheeks, and she refused to meet my eyes. "I didn't fight it; our feelings for each other were intense." She ducked her head, her hair covering half her face. "Well, I won't get into the details, but let's just say that Frank is no longer the last man I was intimate with."
I hid a cringe. That was probably too much detail for me.
"He wanted to take our relationship to the next stage, so I told Sarah I was starting to see someone, thinking she would be a little upset but ultimately understanding." Her breath puffed out in a humorless snort. "Well, she was furious. She wouldn't listen to me, called me all sorts of names, said her dad was rolling in his grave at my behavior." Her voice broke at that, and it took a few moments for her to compose herself.
"I tried for weeks to get her to see reason until she told me she would cut contact unless I ended things." She rolled her lips in, unshed tears glittering in eyes that held a lot of pain. "I chose to end my relationship with Barry."
I reached out and gripped Diane's tightly clasped hands. "Diane, I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell Hans?" Hannah would've understood. She would've been upset at how fast it had happened, but I ultimately knew she would be supportive.
"I told Sarah first because I knew she would be the hardest to understand. She was a daddy's girl. I thought once she got used to it, then I could share with everyone else. I know her behavior has been erratic over the years," she acknowledged. "I felt a lot of guilt over what happened with Barry, and then we lost Hannah, and everything just…fell to the wayside. I spent my time trying to make it up to Sarah whilst holding her through her grief. Lately, I've been trying to encourage Sarah to seek therapy, too, but so far, she's resistant. I sincerely think that she'd benefit greatly from it."
"Her actions have been concerning," I agreed. "She came around a couple of weeks ago to hand me the last letter Hannah ever wrote to me."
Diane's head popped up. "What? She told me she gave that to you years ago."
"What?" I let go of her hands in shock. I fucking knew she kept that from me without reason. Waiting for the right moment, my ass.
"Hannah told her to hand them to you. One after the funeral and the other six months after she passed."
"Wait, wait." I held my hand up. "There was another letter? Sarah only gave me one."
Diane's brow pulled down. "Only one? Which one was it?"
"She talked about our life together, our memories, and how she'd always treasure them. Told me she'd wait for me on the otherside." I stood and paced in front of Diane, my hand raking my hair in agitation. "I loved reading Hannah's words again, but I didn't find anything that gave me peace, so I thought it wasweird when Sarah told me Hannah requested I receive the letter when Sarah thought I was ready."
Diane shook her head as she stood. "No, no. no. Sarah was given strict instructions to hand one letter to you after the funeral and the second six months after. There was no further stipulation. When the six months came, Sarah told me you were so upset by the contents of the letter that you tore it up. She asked me not to talk to you about it since it was too triggering."
"That was around the time that you suggested grief counseling." It all made sense now.
She gave a sharp nod, her mouth lined in anger towards her daughter. I put my hands behind my head, unsure what to do with this pent-up energy that needed to be expelled—this absolute fury at Sarah and sadness that Hannah's wishes weren't honored.
