“Winnie?Wow, you’re here!”Jamie says as soon as he climbs out of the car.He glances at the back seat of the car and then to me.I know what he’s doing.He doesn’t want to leave Tali in the car, but he also doesn’t want to turn his back on me in case I change my mind and run.
“You can get her out,” I say softly.
He watches me for another moment before he swings open the back door and starts unbuckling Tali.As soon as her feet hit the ground, she lets out a shriek and races towards me.
“Win-Win!I miss you, Win-Win!”
I bend down and hug her against my body.I can't lift her up and that kills me.I just want to place her on my hip and carry her around the rest of the day.She wraps her little arms as tightly as she can around my neck and doesn’t let go.I close my eyes and soak up her love, unsure of what’s going to happen today.
I'm not sure if I'm going to forgive him or move on, I just know I needed to see him one last time before I made any decisions.
When I open my eyes, I glance up to find Jamie’s standing in front of me with his hands stuffed inside his pockets.He’s watching me with tears spilling down his cheeks, but he doesn’t care.He makes no move to swipe them away or to make them stop.He’s being raw and vulnerable with me, just like he always promised to be.
“I missed you, Tali Girl,” I whisper, maintaining my eye contact with Jamie.
“We both missed you, sweetheart.We want you to come home,” his voice is raspy and filled with emotion.He looks like it’s taking all his strength to keep his hands in his pockets and not reach for me.
“Yeah!Come home, Win-Win!”Tali pulls back and puts her hands on either side of my face.She squeezes my cheeks until my lips pucker and she giggles.
“I think we need to talk.”
Jamie nods his head as he sucks his bottom lip between his teeth and nibbles on it.He steps past me and unlocks the front door.He motions for me to head in first, but I shake my head.
“I can't lift her.I'm not allowed to lift anything for a few more weeks.”
“C’mon, Tali.Let go of Winnie.”Jamie takes her hand in his, but she won't let go of me.
“No!She my Win-Win.She not leave!”She whimpers, holding onto me tighter.
“I'm not leaving, Tali Girl, but I need you to hold my hand.I have an owie and I can't pick you up, ok?Do you want to hold my hand?”
“Ok,” she whispers, letting go of my neck, but grabbing my hand in a death grip before I can even stand.
The house is a disaster.There are blankets and pillows all over the place.Cups litter the coffee table and the sink is overflowing with dishes.
“What happened?”I glance over my shoulder at Jamie and he ducks his head with embarrassment.
“I stopped trying.”He shrugs.
“Stopped trying to do what?”
“Everything,” he whispers.“I made sure Tali was taken care of, but nothing else matters without you, Winnie.I'm completely lost.”
“Don’t say that.Don’t you dare say nothing else matters.”
“But it doesn’t!Do you realize I feel more broken since I came home and found you gone than when Ellie died?Do you understand how messed up that is?She died, and yet I could keep going.I kept showing up for all the things I was expected to do… Yet in the last week, the only thing I’ve done is the interview with Liliana.I’ve gone to practice, but I barely tried.I think the only reason I even went was to figure out where you were and how I could get you back.I didn’t care about baseball at all and everyone knows that.Owen and Levi told me to go home and stay home until I figured this all out.”
“Jamie,” I whisper his name, unsure of what else to say.
“Answer me one question, Winnie.One question, and if you answer honestly, then I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want.”
“What?”
“How has your life been since the accident?”
I nibble on my bottom lip and think about how I’ve barely had the strength to get out of bed.I’ve been wearing the same clothes over and over again because the thought of doing laundry makes me want to cry.I’ve barely eaten anything and I'm down ten pounds.
“Not great,” I admit, refusing to meet his gaze.
