“Do you want to tell our listeners what happened?”
“I jumped to conclusions.I let my emotions get the best of me and I lost it.I blamed Winnie for the accident.I thought she was being careless with my daughter.I thought she was at fault for the wreck and should’ve been paying attention to the road.She didn’t even try to fight with me.She accepted the blame because in her head, she was to blame.Except she’s not.She should be praised for how she protected Tali.For the lengths she went to try to keep the paparazzi away from my daughter.”
“For those of you who haven’t seen the news coverage of this, there were actually some people videotaping the paparazzi who was harassing Winnie and Tali.People who were standing by said he was pushing Winnie and grabbing her, trying to get a clear picture of Tali.At one point, Winnie lost her footing and almost fell to the ground.She slammed into a metal bench and was able to right herself, but she got hurt in the process.A man stepped in and tugged the paparazzi away, but once Winnie got Tali buckled and she got in the car, the man thought it was safe to let the paparazzi go.He didn’t realize Oliver Sinn would follow them and continue to harass them.”
My hands begin to shake as I listen to Liliana retell the story of what happened to Winnie and Tali.It all could’ve ended so much worse.They could both be dead right now.
“Winnie actually ended up needing emergency surgery.She almost bled to death because of her fall into the bench.It ruptured her spleen and caused a lot of internal bleeding.Thanks to Dr.Derek Devine, she’ll make a full recovery within a few weeks.We’re forever grateful for his quick response and skilled hands.”
I suck in a deep breath and blow it out slowly.This is going to be hard to get through, but I want to do it.
“This part is just for Winnie.She won't talk to me or answer any of my calls.She moved out of our house and I don’t know how else to get through to her.”I swallow hard and try to keep my voice even.I know if I let my emotions get to me, I’ll end up crying during this and I won't be able to finish.
“It’s ok, Schmidt, take your time.I can edit all of this later on,” Liliana says softly.
“No, I don’t want you to edit a thing.I want everyone to realize this isn't me trying to look good, this is eating me up inside.Jeez, Lils, how did I let this happen?How did I let the woman I love slip through my fingers so easily?When I got to the hospital, I was so worried about Tali.I had been traveling and I guess I got the call when I was already in the air.I didn’t know until we landed and it was a few hours after the accident.I rushed to the hospital as quickly as I could.Winnie was already awake and out of surgery.I didn’t even know she needed surgery.Jeez, I didn’t even ask her if she was ok until later that night and even then, it was via text.I thought she was fine.And so, I exploded on her.I said so many horrible things to her and she didn’t deserve any of it.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“I'm sorry, Winnie.I don’t know how many times you need me to say it, but I’ll keep apologizing until my dying breath.I'm sorry I ruined everything we had.I'm sorry for doubting you when I should’ve been thanking you.I'm sorry for what you went through and for not being a support for you in the aftermath.I hope and pray you can forgive me because I don’t want to live without you, sweetheart.I want to marry you and officially make you Tali’s mom.I want to have more kids with you and give you the family you’ve always wanted.I want to give you the entire world, Winnie, I just need you to forgive me.”
Chapter 31
Winnie
IgroanasIget up to grab my phone off the counter where it’s charging in the kitchen.I’ve ignored every text message from Jamie and every phone call.I don’t want to talk to him.
No matter what he says and how bad it makes me feel, I'm saying worse to myself.I allowed Tali to get hurt and I’ll never forgive myself for that.
I miss her so much.I’ve cried every day since I left Jamie’s house.I split my time between watching TV and crying my eyes out.I know I need to figure out what to do from here.I could go find a new job, but what parent is going to hire me after what happened with Tali?I could crawl back to Jamie and beg him to let me continue nannying for Tali, but why would he let me?
As I unlock my screen, I'm met with hundreds of notifications on each of my social media apps.I scowl as I check the first one and find a comment telling me to take him back.The next is a comment on the same post, telling me to forgive him.
I scroll up to the post and click play without even looking to see what it is.The voice that fills the air has tears instantly gathering in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks.
“This part is just for Winnie.She won't talk to me or answer any of my calls.She moved out of our house and I don’t know how else to get through to her,” Jamie says in such a broken voice.He almost doesn’t even sound like himself.
“It’s ok, Schmidt, take your time.I can edit all of this later on,” Liliana says softly.
“No, I don’t want you to edit a thing.I want everyone to realize this isn't me trying to look good, this is eating me up inside.Jeez, Lils, how did I let this happen?How did I let the woman I love slip through my fingers so easily?When I got to the hospital, I was so worried about Tali.I had been traveling and I guess I got the call when I was already in the air.I didn’t know until we landed and it was a few hours after the accident.I rushed to the hospital as quickly as I could.Winnie was already awake and out of surgery.I didn’t even know she needed surgery.I thought she was fine.And so, I exploded at her.I said so many horrible things to her and she didn’t deserve any of it.”
“No, she didn’t.”
“I'm sorry, Winnie.I don’t know how many times you need me to say it, but I’ll keep apologizing until my dying breath.I'm sorry I ruined everything we had.I'm sorry for doubting you when I should’ve been thanking you.I'm sorry for what you went through and for not being a support for you in the aftermath.I hope and pray you can forgive me because I don’t want to live without you, sweetheart.I want to marry you and make you officially Tali’s mom.I want to have more kids with you and give you the family you’ve always wanted.I want to give you the entire world, Winnie, I just need you to forgive me.”
“Is there anything else you’d like to say?”Liliana asks softly.
“Come home, Winnie.Tali misses you.I miss you.If our little girl cries for her Win-Win one more time, I might not survive this.”
I glance up as a car pulls down the long driveway and stops in front of the garage.I slowly stand and brush any dirt that might’ve stuck to the back of my leggings off.
I’ve been sitting on Jamie’s porch for the last two hours.I could’ve called him or texted him, but I didn’t want to.I wanted to see him in person.To be able to stare into his eyes and know if he really means everything he said in his interview with Liliana.
I could’ve let myself into the house, but it felt wrong to go in without him knowing.I need to know I'm really welcome here before I enter without permission.
As soon as I finished listening to the clip, I found Liliana’s podcast and played it from start to finish.Then, I called Liliana and talked to her.
She said she’s never seen Schmidt so upset and never met someone who regretted their actions more.I knew I needed to give him a chance to explain himself.A chance to see where we should go from here.
