“You’re an amazing husband and father, Jamie.You’re doing such a great job with Tali.Ellie would be so proud of you.”
“I'm not so sure about that.”
“I am.You’re present in her life.You put her first and put your own life on hold.You’re going above and beyond what most children get from a two parent household.Tali’s a lucky little girl.The amount of love you have for her…” I shake my head.“The amount of love you have for Ellie, it’s overwhelming.I wish I had someone who loved me like that.Maybe I wouldn’t be so hesitant to be in a relationship then.”
“I told you, you need to find a real man, not a boy.”
“Yeah, I found a great one, but I'm not sure he’s really ready.”
“He’s ready, but he’ll never stop loving his wife and some days will be harder than others.Sometimes he might fall to pieces at the memory of her and you’ll have to be ok with that.”
“I think I can handle that as long as he talks to me.I need to know where his head is at.”
“Then you’ll have no problems.He’s ready to find his next great love.”He presses a kiss to the top of my head and tugs me so I'm sitting between his legs and my back is against his chest.He wraps his arms around me and we sit like that for a while.
“I think you should get some sleep,” I whisper as I climb to my feet and hold out a hand to help Jamie up.
“I won't be able to sleep.I’ll be up all night.I always am after talking about her… Will you lay with me for a little bit?You don’t have to sleep in bed with me, but maybe if you lay with me my brain will relax a little.”
“Of course.Let me go grab some clothes and I’ll be right back.”
I get changed as quickly as I can and twist my hair into a braid.When I'm finished, I head back into Jamie’s room.Tali’s no longer lying in the center of the mattress, now Jamie’s in her place with just a pair of gray sweatpants sitting low on his hips.
His arm is tucked behind his head as he watches me walk into his room.I slowly pull back the covers and climb in next to him.I'm waiting for him to tell me he changed his mind.To tell me this is a mistake and he wants me to leave.To say he doesn’t want me to be Tali’s nanny because it’s messing with his head and his heart.
“Stop overthinking, sweetheart.I promise you I have no problem discussing where my head is with you.I always had a raw and vulnerable relationship with Ellie and I'm happy to do the same with you as long as you’ll do the same.”
“I'm scared you’re going to regret this.That you’ll eventually kick me out because you can't take the thought of moving on from Ellie,” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
“I don’t regret kissing you.”He erases the distance between us until he’s hovering over me.“Will it be hard to stomach the idea of moving on some days?Absolutely, but that has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me feeling like I'm losing a little more of Ellie.She kept telling me when she was pregnant, if something happened to her, she wanted me to get remarried.To find an amazing woman who would be the perfect mom to our little baby.She wanted me to have more kids and to have the life we always dreamed of.I think she somehow knew she wouldn’t survive to meet our child.”
“Then what are you doing with me?”I laugh through the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.
“Ellie always said the right person just feels… right.She was much better with words and would’ve made it sound like poetry, but that was the gist of it.I don’t know how to explain it, but things are easy with you.Comfortable.It’s like we just clicked.As soon as we met, Ellie’s words kept playing over and over in my head.I haven’t been able to stop thinking about how easily you fit into our lives.”
“I don’t know if I can live up to that, Jamie.”
“I'm not rushing things, sweetheart.We have plenty of time to see where this is going.It might go up in flames, but I'm willing to take the leap if you are.”
“I'm a little scared of heights,” I whisper, making a smile spread across his lips.
“Me too, but the best things in life come with risks.”
Chapter 17
Schmidt
“C’mon,TaliGirl.Weneed to get your bag packed so we go to Mr.Powell’s house.”I pick up the things she just took out of her bag and shove it back inside.
“Mr.Pow?”She tilts her head to the side and watches me carefully.
“Yes, Mr.Powell.He can't wait to meet you.”I don’t know why I'm trying to pump up my daughter to meet everyone.I have no clue what’s going to happen today.It might be a disaster, but there’s only one way to find out.
“Jamie, is this ok?I don’t know what to wear for an outdoor event in March,” Winnie asks from behind me.
I stand to my full height, taking the diaper bag with me.I don’t need Tali unpacking it again while I'm talking to Winnie.
When my gaze lands on my girl, I drop the bag to the ground and scrub a hand over my face.
