“Ellie was a romance author,” he admits softly.“I know more than I care to admit.I used to go to signings with her.”
“Seriously?What did she write?”
“A little of everything in romance.She stuck to contemporary, but she liked to explore all the tropes.Her favorite was sports romance.”
“I love sports romance,” I say softly.
“I’ll be right back.I have the perfect book for you.”
He disappears and comes back a few minutes later with a book in his hands.He holds it out to me and frowns when he realizes my hands are wet.He rolls his eyes and grabs a towel for me to dry them off.
“Here’s one of Ellie’s books.”He swallows hard and I can see how much this is affecting him.I wonder if he ever really talks about her.
“I don’t want to ruin one of her books, Jamie.I’d love to read it, but maybe when I'm not in the bathtub.”
“This isn't one of my copies.It’s one of the books the previous owner left behind.I don’t have an emotional connection to this one.”He flashes me a sad smile and my heart breaks for him.
“I'm sorry you’re still hurting.I know it will never go away, but I wish it didn’t weigh on your shoulders so much.”
Jamie leans against the wall and slowly slides down until his butt is on the floor.He rests his arms on his bent knees and stares up at the ceiling.
“Some days I feel like I'm suffocating.I don’t know how to breathe without her.I don’t know how to keep going.There are nights I just lay in bed and wonder why this had to happen?Why did she have to die?Why couldn’t it have been me?”Tears fill his eyes and break my heart even more.
“You’re killing me.Can't we have this conversation when I'm not in the bathtub?”
“Crap.You probably don’t want to hear about Ellie, especially when you’re trying to relax.I’ll just go.”He moves to stand, but I stop him.
“No!That’s not it at all.I just… I wish I could give you a hug or comfort you in some way, but that’s hard when I'm in a bathtub.I want to hear about the amazing woman who owns your heart.I want to hear about Tali’s mom and everything else you want to tell me.”
He nods his head, but he doesn’t continue.I wonder if he’s regretting bringing it up at all.
“Keep telling me about her.Please, Jamie.”I watch him carefully.He nods his head and swallows hard, like he’s trying to muster the strength to keep going.
“She was quiet and shy.We met in college when we had to do a project together.We were both a little awkward and didn’t know how to talk to each other.”
“What’d you do?”
“Well, she gave me her part of our project to read over.”He chuckles as he stares up at the ceiling again.“Only, she gave me a book she was working on and not her project.It was a steamy part of the book too.”
“No!Oh my gosh!What did you do?”I cover my mouth with my hands.I’d be mortified if that happened to me.
“I read the entire thing while she read my part.When I was finished, I set the paper down and waited for her to finish reading my half of the project.She told me an entire list of things that needed to be changed on mine and when she asked what I thought of hers, I told her I didn’t think the professor would accept this and I asked what flavor cotton candy was the male main character’s favorite.She turned bright red and refused to talk to me the rest of the night.The next day, I brought her a container of blue raspberry cotton candy and told her that was my favorite flavor.It became a huge joke and soon she was asking me what I thought of different scenes she was working on.”
I glance down at the book by Jamie’s feet and gasp.I didn’t recognize the name Ellie Schmidt, but that’s because Ellie didn’t write under her real name.She wrote under a pen name.
“Your wife was Tali Sparrow?”I blink at the name on the cover, unable to find any other words to say.
“She always loved the name Tali.She made me promise if we ever had a little girl, we’d name her Tali.”He smiles.
“Jamie!Tali Sparrow is my favorite author!I think I’ve read all of her books… But didn’t she just put out another book?”
“Ellie had dozens of books saved on her computer.They were all finished and ready to be published.I decided to keep her pen name going.I couldn’t stomach the thought of telling her fans she was gone.It was bad enough dealing with her loss by myself.Maybe it was selfish, but I didn’t want people mourning her with me.”
“Just like people will eventually find out about Tali, people will eventually find out Ellie died, Jamie.”
“I know,” he whispers.“I'm just hoping by then it won't hurt so badly… When she realized she wasn’t going to make it through the delivery, she made me promise to take care of Tali and keep releasing her books.I'm trying to honor her wishes, Winnie.I didn’t realize she wasn’t going to survive.I thought she’d be fine.”His voice clogs with emotion as the first tear slips down his cheek.He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing more tears to fall.
I don’t hesitate.I grab a towel and wrap it around my body as I climb out of the tub.I settle on the floor next to him and wrap my arms around his waist.
