Tears rolled down Carol’s cheeks. ‘I am so, so sorry. I should have told you, but you and Justin grew away from me. You were so close I felt excluded … I did try to tell you. Every year I told myself that was the year I’d confess. But I didn’t. I was too afraid you’d react—’
‘Exactly the way I did.’
Carol nodded.
‘And that’s why you started caring for injured animals? Because I don’t remember that when we were little.’
‘I had to feel needed—and the two of you only ever needed each other.’
‘No. It might have seemed that way, but we always needed you. We still do.’
‘I love you, Ben. I always have.’
‘I forgot that for a while. I won’t forget it again. I love you too, Mum.’
Those words. The ones she had ached to hear during all those long nights and those endless, empty, days. Carol put her arms around Ben and hugged him, holding on as if she would never let him go. Her heart lifted with joy as he hugged her back with the same fervour. This moment should last forever. She never wanted to let him go.
Then the door opened and a nurse walked in.
‘He’s conscious. You can see him now.’
Carol leaped to her feet, Ben by her side, and they stepped forward.
Carol turned when she realised Anna hadn’t moved. ‘Anna? Come with us.’
‘Sorry.’ The nurse stepped in. ‘Family only at this point and I gather …’
Anna held her hands up. ‘It’s fine. You both go. Tell him …’
‘I will.’ Carol grabbed Ben’s hand as they walked out of the room.
CHAPTER
39
The silence in the room was deafening. Anna tried to sit patiently, but it wasn’t working. Justin was going to be all right, that was the most important thing. But knowing it wasn’t good enough. She wanted to see his face. She wanted to hear his voice. Only then would she be certain. She stared at the clock on the wall, watching the second hand move far too slowly around its face. She still had her phone, but had stopped checking the fire alerts. It didn’t matter now. All that mattered was seeing Justin.
She suddenly realised that the room was quite dark. She stood up and walked to the window. Outside, night had fallen, and thick, dark clouds were passing overhead, driven by the wind. A low rumble of distant thunder made her jump just as the door to the room opened and Ben and Carol walked back in. Anna spun to face them. One look told her all was well. Better than well.
‘He’s asking for you,’ Carol said.
‘Will they let me see him?’
‘They will. I’ve told them you’re family.’
Anna squeezed Carol’s hand.
‘I’ll show you where he is.’ Carol led the way to a room with an open door.
Anna stepped into the doorway and looked at the figure on the bed. Justin’s eyes were closed and he lay back against the pillows. His hands, where they lay on the sheet, were swathed in white. A drip was attached to one arm and an oxygen line sat below his nose, helping him breathe. Anna’s heart almost broke at the sight of the bandages. She lifted her hand to the scar that marred her own face, feeling the skin pull and tighten. What if Justin’s hands were similarly damaged, with restricted feeling and movement? The thought was almost more than she could stand. He stirred a little in his sleep, and she wanted nothing more than to lie beside him and put her arms around him. Damaged hands were nothing. They made no difference to the man he was. To the man she loved. She would take the pain away for him if she could, and she would love him even though she couldn’t. Nothing could make her love him less than she did.
In that moment, for the first time, she truly understood and accepted that Justin loved her.
She walked to his bedside and perched on the edge of a chair that had been left there. She reached out as if to take his hand, but stopped. Instead, she let her hand rest on the bedclothes next to his and waited. Time did not pass at all as she listened to the slow rise and fall of his breathing. It seemed forever and just a moment until he opened his eyes.
‘Anna.’ His voice was raspy and harsh.
‘Shh. Don’t try to talk.’
