“And what about the cost? The fucking investment I’d need to make in the renovations? The place needs so much work, Kate. And what if I don’t have what it takes? What if Leo doesn’t?”
“Sounds like a list of things to figure out, not necessarily roadblocks,” she says, a little wearily. “Are you sure about this, Olive?”
“No, that’s why I’m calling you. To tell me I’m being stupid,” I say, exasperated.
But Kate is quiet on the other end, so I keep speaking, the fears falling out of me, hard and fast, like a summer rain shower.
“I’ve not seen him run a kitchen. I don’t know what kind of boss he is to the staff. I don’t know if I’d actually like to have my own business. There is so much I don’t know. It’s all too big. And then there’s the fucking cookbook I’m supposed to be doing.”
“How’s that going?”
“It’s okay but it needs my attention. I need to write three achingly beautiful stories like the ones my dad wrote. Heartfelt stories about the regions and all my feels about the food, and at the moment all I can think about is how good it feels to be underneath Leo fucking Ricci.”
“Okay,” says Kate, breathing out slowly and then laughing gently. Kindly. “Let’s breathe, Olive. One thing at a time.”
“I feel like I’m already toying with him. I can’t give him an answer to the restaurant question, notproperly.”
Kate tuts. “Olive, listen. You need to go downstairs and tell Leo how you feel. Tell him you have feelings for him and then tell him that you need some serious space to finish the book and then look at the restaurant. You need to take one step at a time. If he is any kind of good man, he will wait.”
I make a kind of whimpering noise.
“No, you can’t hide your feelings away from this one, Olive. You need to say it straight,” she says. “Leo is active in all of this too.”
“Fine,” I say, looking over at my father’s urn. “Damn, sometimes I wonder if my dad knew all this would happen.”
Kate laughs. “That you’d end up in bed with his sous chef?”
“No.Ewww,” I say. “I mean that if I spent time with Leo that I might consider coming back to Nicky’s.”
“Go talk to Leo,” she says. “Cookbook first, then you’ll need to do a lot of research and talking to the right people before you can begin to think about the restaurant.”
“Okay,” I say, nodding.
“And for god’s sake tell him how you feel about him.”
I skulk down the stairs pulling on a dressing gown and look around for Leo. The sun is out, and Leo is lying on a sun lounger with a coffee next to him, reading an old magazine. I wander out, slowly, nervously, and take a seat next to him.
He sits up, shading his eyes from the sun, swinging his legs off the lounger to face me. “Freaking out?” he asks, his face squished in concern as he tries to catch my eye. But I can’t make contact. I have to get this out.
“A little,” I say, rubbing my hands together.
“Please don’t,” he says, reaching his hand out. I take it and climb onto him, falling into his arms.
“We have to finish this book, Leo,” I say, my head on his shoulder, my legs entwined with his on the single sunbed. “And then I need time to decide about Nicky’s.”
“Of course. I’m not asking for an answer on that. We don’t need to think about what’s next right now. Can’t we just dance in the rain for a while?”
I smile, running my fingers across his chest.
“I think we can do that,” I say, rolling my eyes at his sentimentality,which from Leo is a treasure. The sunbed creaks under our combined weight, and I take it as a cue to stand.
“I need to write these chapters for the book. I’ve struggled with the stories. I need to write about tomatoes and opera music and prepare for Liguria and seeing my dad’s best friend. I need to throw those ashes somewhere.”
There is a long beat of silence where I hear nothing but the chugging of the pool cleaner and the sound of a bird high in one of the trees. The heat starts to bear down on my skin as I pull the gap in my dressing gown closed.
“It’s a lot,” he says gently.
Leo reaches out and takes my hand, and he kisses my knuckles. We hold hands for a moment, and he circles his thumb on mine gently as emotions threaten to overwhelm me.
