“Yes. It’ll be different next year.” I was going to go ahead and let myself hope.
Seventeen
ATLAS
The walkback to the room was slower than I wanted it to be, but it was nice to have a few moments to myself to think. There were a million things I wanted to say to Ryan, and while I was feeling stronger and braver about myself, I also knew that if he didn’t feel the same way, it was going to crush me.
No, more than that. It would break me in ways that Raleigh never could. Because with Ryan, I’d allowed myself not just to hope, but to dream about what life could be like.
So I did need to know first. I did want to save some face if these feelings were mine and mine alone.
I could see the lights on in my suite, but the ones in his suite were dark, and it made me feel something that he’d made himself such a home in my space. Even if it was a temporary space. I took a deep breath, then made my way up the walkway and tapped my key card against the door and waited for the small click before I pushed my way in.
Ryan was there waiting for me on the bed, wearing only his boxers, hands behind his head as he lounged on the messy covers. Turning his head, he smiled at me, but the expression fell when he saw my face.
“Did he upset you?”
I frowned. “Who? Oh,” I said, realizing he meant my brother. “No, he just wanted to apologize. Mostly.”
Ryan pushed up on his elbows. “Mostly?”
“It was a half-assed apology, but honestly, I’ll take it.” I yanked my jeans to my knees, then dropped to the side of the bed to remove my orthotics. My legs were exhausted from being up on my feet most of the afternoon, so I didn’t put much pressure on them as I shuffled around the mattress until I could slide under the sheets beside Ryan.
He took me into his arms and held me against his warm chest. “Mm. This is exactly what I needed. That dinner was…”
“Yeah,” I said when he didn’t finish his sentence. The dinner was a lot of things.
“I hope Gracie didn’t offend you. Or freak you out.” His voice was muffled by the back of my shoulder as he spoke right up against my shirt. “She can be a lot sometimes, but she means well.”
“I can see that, but it doesn’t bother me. She obviously loves you very much.”
Ryan sighed. “Yeah. She does. That’s kind of rare in my life these days.”
My heart ached for him. I twisted in his arms, then hooked my leg up over his hip and pinched his chin between my fingers. His eyes met mine for a moment, and then they drifted lower to my mouth, my throat, my chest.
“Short of telling me that you’re a secret serial killer, there’s not much she could say that’ll bother me or offend me. And the serial killer thing…”
“Don’t tell me you’d be cool with it,” he said with a slight laugh.
I dipped my head and kissed him. “Well. I mean, if you were one of those Dexter guys who killed other bad guys, I couldprobably learn to live with it. Hannibal and Will made it work, didn’t they?”
He looked up at me, eyes wide. “Dude. They died at the end. They jumped off a cliff together.”
“Mm, yeah. They jumped. But did they die?”
“Oh my god, I’m not arguing that with you,” he said, then smashed his face into my neck. “I want a better ending than jumping off a cliff.”
I held him a little tighter, trying to hide my grin. “Me too.”
His head moved, and then his lips found my pulse, and he kissed me there—soft at first. Then a little more demanding. Then wetter. Harder. Teeth grazed my tendon as his hips began to shift against mine. He was hard, brushing his dick along the inside of my thigh.
“If you’re not up for it,” he started.
I pulled back, then slapped my palm over the nightstand top until I found my little pill sleeve and looked down at it. I had three left.
Ryan met my gaze as he took it out of my hand, popping one out of the foil. Sticking out his tongue, he placed it on the edge, then grabbed me by the face and kissed me. The pill slipped into my mouth, and the moment I tasted the bitter tang, I swallowed it down, letting him kiss me through it—deeper and deeper.
“Want me to eat your ass while I wait for this to kick in?”
