“I know and I’m ashamed of it. I was a coward, and I regret all of it.” After downing the rest of my beer, I poured another one. Time to wallow in the horrible person I was. “Look, I don’t know where the hell he came from, but I’ll have to see him at every game.” And he was even more adorable than in high school. An ache rolled through my chest.
“Plus, he’ll be traveling with us. Don’t forget that.” With a shake of his head, Malik smirked and drank some beer. “How the hell will you stay focused on the games?”
“Don’t know.” I rubbed my sweaty palm on my thigh, taking a quick glance at him. “Hey, do me a favor and keep this between us.”
“You don’t want the others to know what a douchebag you were in high school?” He huffed a sharp laugh.
“No, I don’t.” I breathed in deeply and stared at my fresh beer. “I suppose I’ll have to talk to him.” Did he still hate me? The breakup had been so painful.
“That’s probably a good idea.” As Malik’s gaze met mine, he squeezed my shoulder. “Maybe you can be friends now. If you explain how sorry you are for what you did, he might forgive you.”
“I don’t know.” I sipped my beer, the tightness in my chest unwinding. “Seeing him today…well, it brought a lot of shit back.” Did I still have feelings for him? I did when I’d left for college. I’d dreamt of him for months, maybe even a year later.
“Eli.” Malik peered at me. “What’s going through your head? You’re making some odd faces.” He smirked. “Like you’re in pain.”
“I am?” I relaxed my expression and drew a circle on the table with my index finger. Would speaking to Wren help or make things worse? “It was hard seeing him again. It hurt.”
“Do you still love him?” Malik fixated on me.
“I…” Chuckling through a scoff, I said, “No. It’s been years.” Pain sliced through my heart. Here I was lying again. “Okay, maybe.”
He shook his head and, jabbing at the table, said, “You have to talk to him. Your game depends on your making this right.” He pursed his lips. “If your stats suffer this year, it could cost you an NFL contract.”
My eyes widened. He was right. “Yeah, I know.” This was insane. Why had my past reappeared to haunt me in my senior year?
“Okay, then start using that psychology major you’re studying and all the expertise you’ve learned from the helpline and get on it.” He patted my thigh. “We need you at full capacity at these games.”
“I know nothing about him, though.” I drank more beer and then sighed. How could I find out where he’d be besides at the games? Was their practice schedule online somewhere?
“Dude, social media.” With a soft snort, he poured himself another beer.
After makingbreakfast for the guys the next day, I retired to my room to start my quest for information on Wren. Wren had to be on Instagram or TikTok, right? What college student athlete didn’t have accounts there?
I flopped onto my bed on my back and shimmied to the pillows resting against the headboard. I didn’t need the other guys finding out who I was looking up and, thankfully, they’d had enough grace not to mention my crappy performance last night.
I tapped my screen open and searched Instagram for Wren Lewis. A few profiles came up. Biting my lower lip, I tapped on each one. None of them were him. What the fuck?
With a huff, I opened TikTok and searched for his name there. Again, I came up empty. Facebook? Who the hell went on Facebook anymore unless you wanted to sell shit? As I inhaled deeply, I checked to see if he was there. Nothing. Nada. It was like the dude ceased to exist online.
Twisting my mouth, I lunged for my laptop, sitting in the corner of my bed. I’d have to resort to the school’s information. Surely the Spirit Squad roster would list him.
My fingers flew over the keyboard as I ran a Google search, found the team’s webpage and then found links to their social media accounts. “Bingo. You can’t hide from me for long, Wren.” Fuck, I’d said his name aloud. My heart twinged. There’d been a time when his name made me all tingly inside.
As I clicked on the Spirit Squad’s Instagram account, I scrolled through the tiles. My heart lurched as his picture came up. He stood between two female cheerleaders, all dressed in gold with maroon accents, in their cheer uniforms.
The lighting in the photo highlighted his bright gray eyes, which once held so much fascination for me. I could have looked into his eyes forever. He had an easy smile, and his long bangs fell to the cheekbones on his boyish face. He’d always looked younger than he was. Warmth floated through my chest as my gaze swept his image. He still had the powerful body of a gymnast, but he’d always been on the smaller side. He said gymnasts should build their bodies like little powerhouses of muscle.
I touched the screen and scrolled to the next photo, one where he stood with an arm in the air at the game, our game from last night. My uniform number was blurred, but I could clearly see that I had been within feet of him.
Jesus, what was he thinking? He’d have known I was playing on the football team, right? But then, we’d parted ways before my scholarship had come through. And how the fuck did he end up at ASU? I swiped again, and a video played of himperforming a series of back handsprings. That was the gymnast I knew.
I gazed at the ceiling fan, ruminating. How could I find him? I ran another Google search. “Fuck.” They practiced at several facilities. I had to talk to him before the next game. Which was an away game at Mississippi State. They were a tough team, and I had to be ready. Maybe my coach could tell me how to find them.
Setting my laptop aside, I jumped off the bed and strolled to the framed photo of my parents, resting on the corner of my dresser. The silver bracelet hung on a corner, my permanent reminder of what I’d done and who I’d lost. Wren had given it to me after the Homecoming game. I had been crowned Homecoming King, and afterward, we’d snuck away to a hotel room and had sex for the first time. He’d told me we were destined to be together as he’d clasped it around my wrist. And then a few months later, I’d let others demean him in the worst way.
I clutched the bracelet and brought it to my aching chest, my eyes stinging. How could I ever redeem myself? I had to try. I will find him before Saturday. Glancing at my laptop, I swiped wetness from my eyes and carefully set the bracelet back in place on the frame. It was time to study.
TWO
