What would it be like to grow up as a human in a wolf pack? Even in our old pack, where we’re considered to be forward thinkers, having a human in the pack? No, she would have been shipped out to just about anywhere else to be raised by her own kind.
But then, she wouldn’t be standing on the side of the mountain with one foot in the wolf world and one foot in the human one, never able to be part of either.
I pity this woman.
That is dangerous. I shouldn’t pity her at all. I shouldn’t be seeing her as anything but a threat, but her screams and whimpers as she sleeps have reached into my chest and put hooks into my heart.
I understand the nightmares; we all have them, but the bleak ones that come for me have my stomach gnawing itself and a huge collar around my neck with a chain, leaving me sitting out in the snow as I go from freezing to warm. As I start to die.
It comes back in winter. It comes back during storms.
My nightmares are lonely, where I watch my pack from windows, heavy chains weighing me down. My throat aches as I turn and pace back and forth, ignoring her.
I don’t know how long has passed before she catches up to me and slows until we’re walking side by side.
“Thank you for taking care of me during the nightmares.”
I flinch, torn out of my own horrible thoughts.
“Things happened, and I guess I’ve never dealt with it before. I didn’t need to know; I didn’t know I screamed. No one was around to tell me before, so I guess, yeah, thank you. I will try not to…” she trails off, frowning and looking unbelievably young and lost.
The light bounces off her cheek and her left eye. The blue is the clearest, most stunning colour I’ve ever seen. She’s beautiful with no idea of it. She’s not wearing any makeup; she’s got a jacket done up to her chin, jeans and boots. There is nothing about her that I would have gone after before. But there’s something about her.
She’s food when I’m starving.
Warmth when I’m freezing.
Life when I’m dying.
No, I must not think about her like this. It’s not right. If the pack found out I was having these thoughts, if they knew I was betraying them after all we went through.
Still…I was the one alone. I was the one starving for a gentle touch, for a kind word.
“Thank you, Riot.”
I melt inside. I try so hard not to; I remind myself of Carolyn and the vicious way she left me in the basement. Forgotten in the dark. I remind myself about Julie, who promised all the nice things and just delivered a dog kennel.
Thank you, Riot.
The words echo in my head until I can’t see the world. All I can do is walk beside her, following that noxious scent of menthol as we return to the cabin. When Khaos snarls at her, she turns into the kitchen.
I wait, lying down not where I can see her but where I can hear her. She’ll throw me out into the storm.
She’ll tie me to the porch, to the foundations, in the attic.
She will take the pillows, the blankets and food. I will be helpless to stop her as she shreds my soul.
Because I hope.
I haven’t had hope for a long time.
“Riot?”
I open my eyes and find her standing with a bowl.
This is it.
She crouches down and sets the bowl down in front of me. I stare into her eyes, waiting for the words to come.
