“Mental,” he responds with absolutely no hesitation.
I never felt as inadequate as my friend makes me sound.
“Well, I’m glad she’s not around to listen to all this.” I try to make it sound like I’m joking, but his words cut me deep.
“Just saying it like I see it,” he shrugs again. “You say she loves you, and that, I believe. She came back to you so many times, it became embarrassing.”
I swallow against the hard lump that’s formed in the back of my throat. “But you don’t believe that I love her.”
“Do you?”
I’m scared to answer that. I don’t know how to.
TWENTY-ONE
Mona
This week has been insane.I worked a lot of hours, and I thought of Alex for most of the time. In a sense, you could say that I got paid to daydream about a life with Alex that I could never have.
By the time two o’clock rolled around, I was ready to bust out of there, wishing like hell that I never asked for more hours.
Now, as I sit in my tiny apartment, relaxed on the couch, I look around, wondering if I should downsize. I have a feeling that rent is about to go up again when my lease is up, and after how much it was raised six months ago, I am struggling.
I guess I could move into a studio apartment, I muse. But I hate moving, and if I do move, I might as well get out of the city.
But then you wouldn’t be able to see Alex anymore, a small voice makes itself known in my head.
I let out a frustrated puff of air. No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about him. Picking up my cell phone, I look up hisname, then scroll to theBlockbutton. My finger hesitates over it, wondering if I should slide it toUnblock.
“Ugh!” I throw the phone away before I do something stupid.
I stand up and walk over to the kitchen where I proceed to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. This seems to be my go-to for a meal lately. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I’m sick of it, but food is expensive, and I also need a roof over my head.
Alex would freak out on me if he realized my financial situation. He wouldn’t be so eager to darken my doorstep as much as he has been, especially lately.
That reminds me that he invited me to his friends’ party tonight. I haven’t decided yet if I want to go. He said he’d wait for me downstairs, and that he’d stay past the time he initially told me. I should hide in the building across the street so I can watch him and see if he does just that.
I almost choke on my sandwich when the phone starts ringing.
“I could’ve died,” I cough out in greeting when I answer.
“Because you’re missing me?” Elizabeth, my best friend, who is never around when I need her, retorts.
“You wish,” I mumble as I try to chew. “The phone startled me just as I was taking a bite of food.”
“Oh no!” She sounds sincerely concerned now. “Do you want me to let you go?”
“No!” Maybe I said that a bit too loud, almost like I yelled at her. “I am surprised you called, though,” I admit. “Everything okay in hockey land?” I tease.
She lets out a happy sigh. “So good. Sometimes I worry that I’m dreaming.”
I take another bite out of my sandwich, waiting for Elizabeth to say more. She hardly ever calls just to chat, so I will takeadvantage and use her as a distraction so I don’t think about Alex.
“How are things with you?” she asks. “Are you back with Alex yet?”
And now I am choking again. Dropping the sandwich on the napkin I brought with me, I rush back to the kitchen to grab some water. When I take a drink, it goes down the wrong pipe, and I wonder if this is how I will die.
“Are you okay?” I hear Elizabeth asking from somewhere in the distance.
