“I couldn’t touch her.” Alex’s tone is rough when he speaks again. “I was ready to throw up knowing she was not you.”
I try to play it cool. “It doesn’t matter,” I shrug. “We were not together anyway.”
“It does matter,” he snaps at me. “And you know what the worst part of that is?”
He stares at me like he’s waiting for me to respond.
“What’s the worst part?” I ask when it becomes clear that he won’t continue until I do.
He swallows with visible effort, anguish and despair etched onto his features.
“I didn’t learn anything from it.”
My eyes fill with water that I try to blink away. I don’t want to cry in front of him again. Last night was enough.
“I fucked up. Over and over again.”
I have no idea if he meant to say the words out loud, or if it’s something that was supposed to remain locked in his head forever.
“I was talking to Kyle about you.”
He throws me for a loop with the way the conversation is going. All I can do is try to follow along.
“He had a good point.”
I blink rapidly a few times, scared to even breathe. I don’t want to break whatever is happening between us. It is the first time we’re connecting at a cellular level, where the physical part doesn’t even come into count.
“What was Kyle’s point?” My mouth is dry when I speak, and the words barely pass my lips.
“He made me realize that I was raised to believe that all women were bad and not trustworthy.”
My eyes widen in shock. I’ve never met his parents, or anyone from his family for that matter. It’s like they didn’t even exist.
“Your parents taught you not to trust women?”
Alex sighs, sounding like he is carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.
“My mother trapped my father with a baby. He never forgave her, and for good reason. He never allowed himself to trust another woman again.”
I lick at my lips nervously, unsure of how to react at this piece of information. I am grateful for him finally sharing something so deeply personal. It does explain a lot, especially when it comes to how stingy he’s always been during out times together.
“She did it for money, right?” I ask for confirmation of what I have concluded myself.
Alex gives me a smirk that downright scares me. “Yes, she did it for the money.”
I don’t know what else to say, and I have no idea where it leaves us. If I am reading the situation correctly, I will never be good enough for Alex to trust me for me. The only way would be if I won the lottery and became a bazillionaire overnight. I got better odds at getting hit by a car on my way into work this morning. Which reminds me…
“Oh my gosh, what time it is?”
I pat the mattress in a desperate attempt to find my cell phone. When I finally do and bring the screen back to life, I am horrified at what I see.
“It’s six-oh-five,” I screech.
My legs are tangled in the sheets, and when I start flailing about, I only manage to make it worse.
“Hold on, I’ll help!”
Somehow, I can hear Alex speaking, but his words don’t connect to my brain. Instead, I rotate and promptly go airborne, but only for a second before I hit the floor, hard.
