And as Oak clutches onto my hips with desperate hands, his fingers biting in my skin with a ferocious hold, and his face buried against my stomach as thunder like cries wrack his entire body, it's one of the most painful things I have ever experienced.
His tears have soaked through the material of the shirt I had put on after he had left for Church. He still has a fierce hold on me but his cries have subsided.
I run my fingers soothingly through his hair before I cradle the back of his head and hold him close to me.
His breathing has become less ragged and more even, as if it doesn't pain him to draw in air.He then places a soft lingering kiss on my stomach before resting his head back against it.
I swallow the emotion balling in my throat and move my hands along his shoulders. His muscles immediately soften from my touch.
Knowing this position can't be the most comfortable for him, but also knowing he'll stay here forever if I don't make the decision to move, I begin to pull away from him.
His fingers bite into my skin harder and his eyes widen as he looks up at me with a panicked expression. "Don't leave me." His voice sounds hoarse from his sobs, but he says it in the smallest voice I've ever heard from him.
"I'm not going anywhere," I promise him. "But I know you can't be comfortable."
"I have you in my arms. It doesn't get more comfortable than that."
My god, he says the most heartfelt words."Then trust me to take care of you, Oak."
"I've never trusted anyone more than you."
I smile softly at him as I caress his face. Then, I take his hand that has a death grip on my hip and wrap it around his. Next, I remove his hand from my hip and bring it to my lips to press a chaste kiss against it. "Come with me."
He nods his head and rises from his knees. Taking both of his hands I lead him to the en-suite bathroom.
Opening the glass door to the shower I then turn the handle to the warm setting. As the stream heats up I then begin to undress Oak.
My hands aren't lingering and my motivation isn't sexual. As I remove the pieces of clothing with his help I keep my touch gentle and soft against his skin. Once he's completely undressed, I do the same.
The warm water sprays against us, and Oak immediately moves to take the brunt of the water.
Moving around him I go to the custom built in shelf and grab his shampoo bottle. I squirt a healthy amount in my hand, and when I turn to face him I realize this isn’t going to work with him standing.
As if he can hear what I'm thinking he sits himself down on the built in shower bench. I smile gratefully at him.
With his legs spread wide he positions me to stand between them. He bows his head, which is at level with my breasts, and I begin to wash his hair.
Lathering the shampoo in his hair I also massage his scalp. Little sounds of pleasure escape him and it swells my heart. Twining my fingers in the ends of his hair I tip his head back. He looks up at me with his icy blue eyes but they're soft. It's as if they're melting before me.
Leaning down I place the softest kiss to the bridge of his nose.
He closes his eyes, as if memorizing how my kiss feels upon his skin, and a small but soft smile plays on his lips.
When he reopens his eyes they seem lighter and my heart swells with happiness. I nod my head towards the shower head and he rises on his feet and places himself under the stream.
As he works out the suds in his hair I make work with lathering the washcloth with soap.
We finish at the same time and once he steps away from the spray I begin to wash his body.
I pay special attention to the tattoos that serve as a memorial to the brothers he lost and the scar that nearly cost him his own life.
Tears burn at the back of my eyes imagining a world where he doesn't exist. A world where he died with them.
With his thumb on my chin and his index finger underneath he tips my head up and searches deep in my eyes. “You're upset." His voice is still gruff from his cries but not as grated.
I swallow from the intensity of his stare. “I'm not upset." I even offer him a smile but it feels wrong because all these emotions rising within me feel like they are going to swallow me whole.
He steps closer to me and places his large roughened hand on my hip. "What is it, baby?"
