I place my hand flat on his scar and he breathes thinly as his eyes close with a pained expression twisting his face. Swallowing thickly I then say to him in a whisper that sounds more like a sorrow filled whimper, "I just can't imagine a world where you don't exist."
His eyes flash open and I can see the emotions all held in there. Suddenly my feet are off the tiled floor as he lifts me up and places my back against the tiled shower wall. I wrap my legs around him as my hands are placed against his chest.
"I'm here," he assures me. He then adds, "I'm not going anywhere."
Tears brim my eyes and I can't hold them back any longer. Nor can I hold back the fear of losing him. "I don't want to lose you to the pain, Oak."
"You're not," he promises me.
"I know that you feel the need to punish yourself because you survived. But I-I-" My voice falters as I think of him taking his own life. "I won't allow you to hurt yourself any longer. And I won't let you take your own life."
He curses under his breath and with swift movement he's turning off the shower and walking us back to the bedroom. Not caring that we're both drenched he lays me down on the bed and hovers over top of me.
My face is cradled in his hands as his elbows support his upper body weight. "I'm not going to lie to you and say I haven't thought about it, because I have. And I've come dangerously close. But I can never go through with it, Grace."
I place my hand over his heart, feeling it beat beneath my hands. "I don't want the pain to become so great that you do, Oak."
"Part of the reason I never could is because living is far more painful. And by ending it-"
"It's not just ending it, Oak," I say to him, my voice choked with tears, "it's taking your life."
His jaw flexes as he nods his head. "Taking my life," he says lowly, his eyes bleeding into mine with a confession falling from his lips that he's not proud to say, "it would be too easy. Living with their deaths on my head wouldn't be. And I thought for the longest time that's what I needed. Punishing myself, feeling the pain, it was the only way I could justify myself living."
A single tear falls from my eye and he captures it with the swipe of his thumb. "Do you still need that?" I ask almost afraid of his answer but needing the truth. Because my heart is already involved and I don't want him to use my love as a way to bring pain upon himself by pushing me away one day.
"I don't know, Grace," he says and I can feel my heart being crushed by his hands. "But I do know that every moment I spend with you I find the idea of living the life I have led less and less suitable, whereas the life I want to live with you, the life you make me believe is possible, I find that life far more worth living."
Oh god, my heart weeps as I stare up at him with eyes blurred and my hands trembling. "You're choosing to be happy? With me?"
His head descends to where the tip of his nose brushes against my own. I close my eyes as his breath fans over my face. "I'm choosing you every time, Grace. Being with me isn't going to be easy. There will be battles ahead of us but I can't let you go. I can't. I need you. I need you more than I ever needed the pain. I need you so much that sometimes itcausesme pain. But I'm not a man without faults, Grace. And there are going to be days where they kick me in the fucking ass."
I open my eyes hoping he can see the truth in them. "You know I'll fight them with you. I'll always fight with you."
He smiles, a small smile that pulls his lips up on one side. "I know. And you have no idea how much that means to me. I can never give you anything in return for that."
"You don't have to."
"I know that, too. It's just the last person I was with, Lana, she found my battles not worth fighting for. And she made me believe that I wasn't worth fighting for."
I cup his face in my hand and he leans into my touch. "I could kill her." This Lana girl, wherever she is now, she better hope that she never crosses paths with me. I'm not known to be a violent person and more often than not I do believe in giving others a second chance, forgiveness. But this, I don't think that I can. Not when she gave up on a man she supposedly loved when he had been fighting with all of his heart.
"You could but I have to thank her in a way," he says, surprising me.
My brows pull together. "What for?"
He thumb swipes along the apple of my cheek before he traces my brow bone, and then my lips with his finger. "Because if she hadn't done what she did, as painful as it was, I would have never come here to Stonesville. I wouldn't have met all these people I consider family. But more importantly I would have never met you. And you, Gracie Mae Vale, have always been meant to be with me."
Tears pool in my eyes for an entirely different reason. My heart swells inside my chest and I fear it may burst with the love I have for this man. "You're seeing the bright side."
"Yeah," he agrees, lowering his body so that I can feel the weight of him. His eyes dance with humor and light as he says, "A girl I can't live without told me to start seeing the gifts that each day can bring. I'm taking her advice."
I smile up at him, wrapping my arms around his neck. "She sounds like a really smart girl. Maybe you should listen to her more often."
"I don't know," he begins unsure, "I don't want her head to get too big. Best to keep her grounded."
I raise my brow, holding back my laughter. "Is that so? And what makes you think she'll grow a massive ego?"
"Because I know how sassy she is without one. Can't imagine how she'll be with one." He winks up at me and I playfully smack him on his back.
