“To what?” She turned then, and whatever he saw in her expression made him fall silent. “To remain here? To continue this charade of polite distance whilst we both pretend nothing has changed? You’re quite right, my lord. Lord Ashbourne offers an escape from precisely that torture.”
His face had gone pale. “You think it torture? Living here?”
“I think,” she said quietly, each word chosen with surgical precision, “that I cannot continue in this limbo. Cannot continue wondering if every glance means something or nothing. If your avoidance stems from regret or...” She stopped herself just in time. “It doesn’t matter. Lord Ashbourne has been clear in his intentions. Perhaps it’s time I accepted such clarity and stopped chasing shadows.”
“Shadows.” Tobias’s voice had gone hoarse. “Is that what you think?—”
“What am I meant to think?” The words burst from her before she could prevent them, all her careful control shattering. “You kissed me, Tobias. Kissed me as though I were the answer to every prayer you’d been too afraid to voice, and then you vanished. Four days of polite nods and closed doors and studied avoidance. What conclusion would you draw?”
He stared at her. And she saw the truth blazing in his eyes—raw and undeniable and absolutely gutting.
He had been avoiding her. Deliberately. Because he regretted it.
“I thought so.” She managed to keep her voice level somehow“Thank you for the honesty, even if unspoken. I’ll inform Lord Ashbourne of my acceptance tomorrow.”
“No.”
The word cracked between them like lightning.
“I beg your pardon?”
Tobias crossed the distance in three strides, stopping just short of touching her, chest heaving like he’d run miles. “Don’t accept him.”
Her heart stuttered. “Why not? You just said?—”
“I know what I said.” His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. “I know what I ought to say. That he’d be a fine match. That you should accept. That any sensible woman would leap at such an offer.”
“Then—”
“But I can’t.” The confession emerged strangled. “I can’t stand here and encourage you to marry him when the thought of it makes me want to tear this room apart with my bare hands.”
Her breath caught. “Tobias?—”
“You think I stayed away because I regret kissing you?” His laugh was broken. Bitter. “I stayed away because every moment near you is torture. Because I want to kiss you again. Because I want things I’ve no right to want from a woman I’ve no business wanting them from.”
Her pulse thundered. “What things?”
“Everything.” Raw. Completely raw. “I want everything, Amelia. Your smiles and your arguments. Your strength and your softness. I want to wake beside you and fall asleep knowing you’re safe. I want to watch you raise Henry and perhaps...” He stopped, breathing hard. “I want what I can never have. What would ruin you if I were selfish enough to take it.”
The admission hung between them. Fragile and fierce.
“And if I cared far more about happiness than about being ruined?” she whispered.
His eyes closed like she’d caused him physical pain. “Don’t say such things.”
“Why not? If they’re true?” She stepped closer, emboldened by the tremor in his voice. “You speak of what you want. But what of what I want? Do I not have a say in my own ruination?”
“You don’t understand?—”
“Then explain it to me.” Another step. They stood so close now she could feel heat radiating from him. “Explain why you’d rather push me toward Lord Ashbourne than claim what you just confessed to wanting. Explain why his respectability matters more than...”
She couldn’t finish. Couldn’t voice what she wanted without shattering completely.
Tobias’s jaw worked. “Because he can give you everything without scandal. Without society’s censure. Without tarnishing your reputation or Henry’s future. Because you deserve better than a man whose name is synonymous with disgrace. Whose presence in your life would only invite whispers and judgment.”
“So you’d sacrifice what we might have for the sake of my reputation?” Disbelief coloured her voice. “After everything—after the kiss, after these months, after all that’s passed between us—you’d choose propriety over...”
“Over what?” His control finally snapped. “Over love? Is that what you think this is?”
