“Semantics.”
“I had a duty to protect you.”
“And that meant you couldn’t behonestwith me?”
“You’re trying to turn this around to avoid what’s actually happening here.”
“I’m curious, Zadyn,” I steamroll over him, “where were you when I needed you? Where was Annie? After my dad died, after Jack—I needed my friend. And you just fucking ditched me without so much as a postcard.”
He bolts forward, face twisted in rage, and drops his voice into a lethal whisper. “You have no idea how hard it was to walk away from you like that.”
“Then why do it?”
“Because I crossed a line! I crossed a line with you. I was falling in love with you, Serena, and I was in over my head. I should never have gotten that close. I had to step back. And even when I did, I was always just out of sight. I never left you. Not really.”
“Well, could have fooled me.”
His eyes scrunch as he tries to dig past my tough act. “Why are you bringing this up now?”
“Maybe I don’t want to get left again.”
“So now this is a trust thing? You don’t trust that I’ll stick around? I would die for you, and you know it. Ididdie for you. And I’m still fucking here, so if you don’t want this then fine, but don’t insult me by lying to my face.” He turns to leave.
“I know you would die for me, Zadyn! And this may come as a shock to you, but it doesn’t make me grateful, it makes me pissed off and terrified.” I groan, running my fingers through my hair. “Please. I don’t want to fight with you.”
He looks back in my direction. “Then stop pushing me away. What are you so afraid of?”
It’s something in his eyes—so wide and vulnerable—that cracks my heart open. And my guts spill out.
“I’m afraid that I will love you so much it will consume me. I’m afraid that I will lose you again, and I won’t be able to cope. I have been trying for so long to pretend I don’t feel something more for you because I was worried I would ruin everything between us. I’m afraid of how connected we are, that sometimes I don’t know where I end and you begin.”
“Serena—” he starts, but I can’t shut up.
“But mostly I’m afraid you’ll never look at me the way you are now after I tell you what I need to tell you.”
He pauses, concern drawing his brows together.
Unable to stop myself, I let the words that have been slowly eating away at my soul—Margot’s words—pour out of me.
Zadyn staresat me from the bed, wearing the world’s best poker face.
He leans forward, propping his elbows on his knees, and drags his fingers through his hair. I chew on my nail from across the room,desperate to interpret his expression.
“You have to tell me what you’re thinking,” I say.
A long sigh empties from his chest. “I’d love to say I don’t believe it, but….”
I swallow, nodding. “When you died—when I went in after you—I saw what we are as clear as if it were written on that wall. And I’m guessing you already knew.”
His eyes find mine. “Yes, I did.”
“That’s why you can read my mind, isn’t it?” I ask. “Why I can read yours.”
“Yes.”
I don’t breathe. He waits, his stare locking me in place.
“Why did you lie to me before?” I whisper. “If you already knew, why not tell me?”
