Until I saw Jace, and it ripped a gaping hole in an old wound. I might have thought he and Jack were one and the same when I first got here, and maybe that was what drew meto him in the first place, but I quickly learned that wasn’t the case.
It’sJaceI now care for.JaceI can’t stop thinking about.
I can’t stay away from him. And I don’t want to. Pathetic as it sounds, if all he could offer me was a cold shoulder, then I would take it. No matter how degrading that is.
Maybe that’s why I still need therapy.
Lost in thought, my feet lead me out onto the stone patio where I first met Kai. I lean against the railing and stare out at the hedge maze beyond.?*
Movement catches my eye near the entrance of the maze, and Jace emerges from the darkness, wearing a sullen expression. My stomach does a somersault. I watch silently as he ascends the stone steps to the patio, his posture somewhat morose from the way his shoulders curl inward. His eyes catch mine the second he reaches the top step, and he slows, resting a hand on the railing. For a moment, I think he might just continue inside without a word.
But he pauses a foot away from me.
“Midnight stroll?” he asks.
I shrug. “Couldn’t sleep. What’s your excuse?”
He sighs and crosses the few steps to my side. Mimicking my posture, he leans his elbows on the railing.
“Guilty conscience.” He looks out at the expansive grounds in their perfect condition.
“That’s the worst.”
A rueful smile tugs at his lips.
“It is.” He studies his hands as his expression shifts.
“You have to know, I didn’t mean what I said. About wishing you were dead,” he finally admits. I give him the time he needs to continue. “It’s the opposite, actually.In all my years as a warrior, as a servant to the king, I never expected that a little witch would be my greatest challenge.” He finally looks at me, his golden eyes electric. “But you are.”
“How am I your greatest challenge? I’ve come a long way since the start of training. Don’t say you disagree.”
“That’s not what I meant. And yes, you have come a long way. Your progress has been…astounding, actually. But the challenge was never in training you. The challenge has been exercising my own self-control.”
I stare at him.
“Self-control, discipline, honor. Those things were never difficult for me to master. And now I fantasize about throwing all of it away in exchange for you.”
My mouth falls open slightly. Hefantasizesabout me?
Oh my god. I feel my cheeks heat.
“What’s stopping you?” It’s both a question and a dare.
He looks me over, his eyes undressing me.
“Look around. We live at court. We are assets to the crown. I’m to be engaged to the princess. And you’re to be the heroine who will be talked about for centuries to come. I cannot escape my fate any more than you can.”
“I don’t believe that.” I pull back from the railing. “I don’t believe in fate.”
“You don’t think it was fate that predicted your arrival—that brought you here to this world? To this very spot at this moment in time?”
“I believe in choice. I believe we choose our paths, not fall into them.”
“And what was agreeing to be the king’s Dragon Rider? Was that not falling into your path?”
“I stayed to be close to him.”
“To the king?” he raises his dark brows in question.
